I had been with my ex for 5 years, I loved him so much. He was not always so cruel, or well maybe he was.
From the beginning he cheated on me with like 8 girls. He would deliberately embarrass me out in public. Then became controlling. And paranoid
The first time he was violent with me he ended up head butting me in the face!
He become rough with me during sex and this went on for three more years, until he raped me when I was pregnant and I ended up miscarrying my twins. It started off consensual. He was on a lot of drugs which I didn’t like, but he was sweet and affectionate. But then he did something I asked him not to do, and he continued. He told me to be quiet but I kept telling him please no. I was in so much pain and crying out he put my hand over my mouth and pulled my hair. He couldn’t finish because of the drugs but I couldn’t even look at him. He was talking but I couldn’t listen, my head was making up all these explanations for what had happened to me. Then I started putting him first, I didn’t wanting anything happening to him. Which disgusts me now.
Everything reminds me of it: sitting, standing, different noises I’m terrified of going out. Seeing men is just making me ill.
— Survivor, age 22