At fourteen I learned a valuable lesson. Being drunk means you are not in control of what might happen.
It was a Saturday evening and I stayed at my friends house with her and one other friend. Let’s call them Jane and Mary.
The plan want to have a camp out in a field near her house and get drunk. It wasn’t long until the older boys near where the field was came out to join us in out camp out.
While attempting to put up a tent drunk and realizing we only had one two man tent to share between the three of us.
The night had taken a turn for the worst when it started to rain. Most of the other boys had headed home. Mary had decided she was interested in one of the boys and he ended up in a tent with her there was no space for us.
So My friend Jane and I were left out in the cold. She contacted her ex-boyfriend who called Mick. He lived not to far from the field because we knew going into Jane’s house drunk would be a big no!
He agreed to let us in for awhile. Just so that we did not catch a cold.
I said I would take the camp bed and my friend was on the floor with Mick and Mick’s friend was on the bed.
My friend said she wanted to sleep in the camp bed instead of me, so as good friend should, I said I would happily take the floor next to Mick instead.
I turned away from him to try and sleep and he was rubbing himself against me. He started to touch my vagina. I didn’t say no at this point, I didn’t mind. It wasn’t until he decided to get up and get a condom that I was starting to feel uncomfortable as there were two people in the room and this was supposed to be my first time.
He got on top of me and this is where the evening goes blank. You see, I’ve not told this story before because it wasn’t brutal. I wasn’t even held down. It’s effected my life as I cannot say the word rape without dying inside. I’ve never written this down before I’ve only touched on the subject with people. It’s easier that way, it makes it not a big deal of something I can pretend never happened to me.
It effected me more than I could ever imagine. I constantly need to feel in control of situations. In my further teens I slept with more people than I’m proud of because I didn’t know how to connect to men.
But now, 4 years after this experience, I’m slowly trying to get myself help to deal with it. I also have a wonderful boyfriend who is slowly helping me to build back my self respect and helping me love myself and him.
— Olivia, age 18