I honestly never thought something like this would ever occur in my life. I never envisioned the day where someone would violate my trust and my body. It was the beginning of January when a couple of friends and I went to a party. A 28 year old guy one of them used to talk engaged in small talk with us, but that wasn’t it. The following day he asked her to come to his house to hang out, and she wanted to go. I didn’t want her to go alone, because I was afraid of what might happen, so I decided to go with her. He invited one of his other friends and while we were in the car heading to his home, he handed us a bottle of liquor. We really didn’t think anything of it. We got to his house and we all just sat around listening to music and drank some of the bottle that they had. It wasn’t much so after everyone finished 1 cup, it was finished. The guys friend was so assertive and persisted that we get comfortable, he even forcefully took my boots off of my feet when I said I was fine. He thought we needed another bottle even after all of us disagreed. He went out and bought it anyway and continued pouring us cup after cup. This wasn’t the first time my friend and I drank together so I knew she couldn’t handle a lot. After her fourth cup he was trying to give her more, and when I reached to intersect he said “ Let her drink her own drink.” My friend who I already saw was more than tipsy followed to say “ yeah I’m fine, I can finish it”. I let her take the cup, and proceeded to snatch it away from her quickly and drained it myself. I knew I wasn’t as much of a lightweight as much as she was and thought It would be better for me to drink it then her. It was obvious that she didn’t need any more liquor in her system, and I believed I was doing pretty good and could be alert for the both of us. Sadly this wasn’t the case. The guys started to make advances on the both of us, trying to separate us so they can do what they wanted to do. One kept pulling me back every time I tried to get away to go by my friends side. They were so forceful and we were incapable of leaving. I somehow ended up in a locked bathroom with one of them and he forcefully pushed my head down to give him a blowjob. He turned me around and pushed himself inside of me, and I honestly didn’t do anything to fight except try to leave because I felt powerless. When I finally got out of the bathroom stepping into the other room, I had seen my friend laid out while the other dude was having sex with her. She was a virgin before this and this angered me. It was bad enough that it happened to me, but to her as well when all I was trying to do was protect her. Seeing this sobered me up enough to gather our things and proceed to leave, but they followed us when I told them to leave us alone. One of them picked my friend up and brought her to their car after I said we were going to find another way to get home. After this I just tried to push it aside and not think of it ever again but when it happened again I was forced to remember.
A 48 year old guy who worked in a restaurant I was known to frequently go to always tried to talk to me and see me. I went out with friends one night, and didn’t want to go home after, so I contacted him. He has a car and he told me where to meet him, and I did. We drove for about 40 minutes before ending up at a pier where he parked in a secluded area. He touched my boobs and fingered me but I let him know that this was as far as this would go and we weren’t having sex. He kept telling me to stop playing with him because I wouldn’t do the things he asked, things as little as touching or kissing him. We were in his car far, from where I lived so he was the dominant one in the situation. I thought by me saying no before things even escalated that would be enough but it wasn’t he pulled his pants down and proceeded to put a condom on, and during this I adamantly stated “ We aren’t having sex”. He responded by saying “We aren’t I just want to feel it on me”. He forcefully pulled my pants down and as I attempted to pull them up reiterating the fact we weren’t having sex he just kept moving me in a position he wanted me in. He was way bigger and stronger than I was even though I attempted to push him to back away from me it didn’t work. He was fingering me roughly as he was saying he wasn’t going to put it in, but next I know he slid himself in. I tried pushing away again but I just couldn’t. Not even a minute passed before he saw someone and removed himself out of me leaving me to feel helpless, and dirty. He even had the nerve to ask me was I ok when I adamantly told him beforehand that I didn’t want to have sex and said no. I was pissed. He drove me near my house and I just needed to cry because I felt as though I wasn’t in control of my own body.
I blamed all of these incidents from the beginning on myself. It was my fault why I went and didn’t just go home. My fault that I let him touch me in the first place. My fault that I put enough trust in these men to not violate my personal space. I can’t be considered a survivor because I beat myself up about it every day. I feel like I lost touch with my emotions and feelings, and don’t really want to be here anymore, and the only thing that’s holding me here is my family. This is as far as I’ve gotten to opening up and I just need the pain and memory to go away. All I think about is what if?, and It just hurts even more knowing I can’t go back and change these events.
— Survivor, age 18
Yes, you cannot change the events buy you CAN HEAL from the hurt caused to you by these criminals. Please be aware what these men did is NOT YOUR FAULT – it is their fault. And what these men have done is PREMEDITATED, they are criminals, they knew exactly what they were doing, they planned it and have probably done it before. You need to talk to someone professional about this – a counselor or therapist because you cannot heal by yourself. You are such a good friend to care so much about your friend – she may owe you her life! There is no telling what they would have done if they were alone with her. But keep in mind you were manipulated by liars and criminals, you are not to blame for any of it – you did a very brave job of TELLING the criminals NO over and over again – so there is no doubt they committed a crime – no doubt at all. Think about this as a what if– What if the bravery you are learning saves your life or a friends’ life in the future as you are learning how to deal with evil criminals? That could happen. But meanwhile do what you need to do to work thru the pain with counseling etc – you are very strong, you can do this!Stay strong and know you are receiving many good thoughts from the readers and writers here !
Dear survivor – thank you so much for sharing your story here. What happened to you was NOT your fault!!!! It doesn’t matter if you were drinking or willingly got in the car. NO ONE has the right to touch you without your consent. You said no and that is ENOUGH. Putting your trust in someone is – I think – a normal human instinct. We need companionship and they violated the trust you put in them. But that is on them and not on you. You did what you had to to get out of those situations and I’m so grateful that you are here and starting to open up. Being a survivor has nothing to do with beating yourself up in my opinion. Being a survivor means you wake up and face it every day and work through it and heal.
I would really encourage you to talk to a therapist to help you work through what you’re feeling. They can help you work through the pain you’re experiencing and – if you want to – help you open up to some other people in your life who can help you heal. Sending you love and light, Alexis