I went to a party about a year ago, and I saw a boy that used to fancy and gave him a hug, but I didn’t fancy him anymore. It was probably the first time he had seen me wearing makeup as i had moved schools and hadn’t seen him, and without trying to sound arrogant, I seemed to get a lot of attention from a few boys at the party. There was one boy that I found attractive and I went outside with him and hooked up (I didn’t sleep with him though). I remember the other boy who I used to fancy got me loads of vodkas and my friend who was also there said that he didn’t have anything which I thought was slightly odd. I kind of blacked out but I remember being outside under a tree with him kissing at the back of the garden. I also remember telling him to stop as he was trying to take my shorts off, but I was so drunk I keep thinking it might have been slurred. After a while he stopped but not initially and then he took me inside the sleeping area (which was empty) and I started crying as i thought he had assaulted me. The boy that I had hooked up with before and his friend asked me if I was ok and I told them what had happened and they went over to him to demand why he did that. My friend Belinda said that she was with him and he denied it and was really upset. So part of me felt hugely guilty because I thought that I might have falsely accused him. The next day I got a message from him asking me out for dinner, and I agreed because i thought he might have just wanted to apologize. But he didn’t mention it and I felt too awkward too. But we had a great time and I just tried to forget what happened. However part of me thinks that he only met up with me after because he felt guilty about what he did and it was a cover up. I don’t know – I just can’t get it out of my head.
— Survivor, age 18