I have no memories before rape.
The first memory I have is being raped at 3 years old by my mom’s boyfriend and his dealer cousins. My first memories are of anguish and confusion. Broken trust and a broken body. That wouldn’t be the last time my mother allowed others to have sex with me in order to feed her addiction. I’m not even sure it was the first. It’s simply where my memories began.
I’m not sure how to get past it all. This shit seems to follow me and happen no matter how far I go to try and get away. I thought I’d found safety. I thought I’d finally found family. Turns out I just found another pervert wanting their piece. May be that’s all I’ll ever be. May be it’s better that I’m broken. It’s easier for others to take pieces of me that way.
— Alex
It’s definitely not okay. Even though that woman is technically your mother, that doesn’t make her any sort of mother figure or make it okay to be treated like that. If you haven’t reported this, even if it’s not still happening, you should, or at least talk to a school counsellor, a therapist, friends or family.
Alex, I am so so sorry for what you have had to go through in your life. It is not your fault. Mothers are meant to protect their children. You did not ask to be born to her she decided to keep you and give birth to you. She is a selfish person and will never have a restful sleep in her life. You are special and a surviver. You can start living your life from today do not let yesterday define who you are as a person. You are a fighter and strong for being here until now a sharing your story. It is never your fault. Raise up because God loves you. You are an amazing human being.
I don’t know who you are, but you are more than your brokenness. Beautiful things will come from your life.
Dearest Alex,
You have experienced unimaginable trauma. I’ve come to believe that it is the broken shards that make us whole and I hope that in your life you come to find that some day. You are so much more than the trauma that has been done to you. You are beautiful inside and out. You are worthy of love and safety. Light and love, Alissa
I’ve never commented on a story online before but I felt compelled to comment here. I cried reading your story. I cried for the little girl who didn’t deserve that horrific treatment. I cried for the little girl who deserved protection and love and I cried for the older you who feels broken, and in pieces. I want you to know you are not. You are so very very strong. You are strong and you will be whole again. It will take time but you will get there through your own strength. People in your life failed you, that is clear. But only you have the power to overcome them, they can’t break your mind, and I have complete confidence that you have the strength to do so. You will find goodness. Repeat that whenever you have doubt. “I am strong. I will grow stronger. I am good. I will find goodness”
Poor girl.I will tell you what GOD treasures.GOD treasures that pure innocence a child has just before being subjected to such horror. The world is vast. You will find someone who will protect and love you. Don’t give up.