This happened fourteen years ago but I am just now realizing that I was raped. I can look back and see how it affected me but at the time I thought it was my fault.
Back in high school I had a large group of friends that was composed of guys and girls, we hung out at a house down the street from the school. The guy who lived there was always alone, his mom had moved out and his dad worked all the time. We hung out there after school and started having parties there after functions at our high school and then it became every weekend. We drank and hung out.
I had a boyfriend in high school, I lost my virginity to him but a few weeks before prom I found out he was cheating on me and I broke up with him and went to senior prom with the friend whose house we hung out at. We had a nice night and returned to his house, other members of our social circle started showing up to drink and hang out. I have never been a big drinker and I never have more than a few drinks. At some point one of our male friends started sitting by me, we were talking and that’s the last real memory I have. I know now that he drugged me. My next memory is being naked with him in my friend’s parents bed, he’s shoving his penis in my mouth trying to get me to perform oral sex on him. I could barely speak but I managed to say “stop!” Then I remember him being on top of me, I couldn’t move my arms or legs, he said “wow, you’re really not into this are you?” A while later I was suddenly sober and I was able to push him off of me and stumble out of the room. I put my formal dress back on and walked the three blocks back home, it was five in the morning and I must have been in the bedroom with him for at least two or three hours.
He acted like it was consensual. I was so ashamed and confused. Then he did the same thing to three more girls in as many weeks. He brought a 14 year old to a party I was at and I could see him putting the moves on her and so another girl and I got her out of there before he drugged her.
I only see now that it affected me very deeply, I didn’t let men get close to me, a guy would like me and I’d drive him away. Luckily 12 years ago my husband was persistent enough to get through my walls. The sad part was that none of us girls contacted the police. We banded together over our common experience and exacted nasty revenge, but it didn’t make us feel better and he didn’t understand why we did what we did. My rapist follows me on social media, he only dates men now.
— Survivor, age 32
I recently found out that he lost his dream job on the two year anniversary of his mother’s death (he never met his father) and he has cancer. I am lucky that when this happened cellphones didn’t have cameras and Facebook didn’t exist.
I am very sorry that that happened to you. No one deserves to be taken advantage of. You are very strong for posting your story and it is appreciated. Just know that what happened to you was not your fault and it obviously wasn’t consensual. Bad people don’t admit the bad things they do. You are not alone.
Thank you, I am glad that the conversation about sexual assault is changing in this country. My mom was raped by two strangers when I was a baby, that’s what I thought rape was a violent attack by a stranger. When this happened to me 14 years ago, no one talked about consent, sexual bullying, or rape on campus, and this happened to four girls in one month and the conversation wasn’t about date rape it was about what a stud my rapist was. I was friends with his other victims and we did some really hardcore messes up stuff to him to get revenge but we still blamed ourselves because we drank too much, or at least that’s what we thought at the time. I’m certain we were drugged, or I was at least. Anyway, thank you for your compassion and empathy.
Yes, it’s ridiculous how it’s 2017 and victim blaming is very much alive. Just because you and your friends went out drinking does not me in any way it was your fault. Women should not be scared about going out and having a good time. IT IS ALWAYS THE PERPETRATORS FAULT. ALWAYS. I don’t care if you didn’t scream didn’t fight back. No one has rights to YOUR body. I was recently a victim two months ago and it is very hard to accept that it’s not your fault. The lesson should be don’t assault not how to not be assaulted. You posting your story is raising your voice and people read these stories every day and you are helping them. I too thought rape was just when you’re walking down an alley and you get grabbed and gagged and a gun held to your head. IF I DONT WANT TO THATS IT. You’re really strong and you’re going to do great things in life. Keep your head up.
I want you to know how much I appreciate your kind words and support, last night I couldn’t sleep. Around four thirty am I was reading on my phone when my rapist sent me a message via Facebook messenger. I haven’t talked to him in thirteen years and I didn’t even realize we were friends on Facebook. I know that he has had some hard times, I looked at his Instagram a while back and saw that he had cancer, his parents died, he lost his job, based on the pictures he posted I thought he only dates men now and that he was living in in another part of the state. I was wrong and he was messaging me trying to gauge my interest in him now that he’s back and living in our hometown. I am going to block him. He raped me and then a year later he tricked me into going to his apartment where he aggressively begged me to sleep with him and luckily I was able was able to get out of there. Last night I cried over this for the very first time. So waking up this morning and reading your comment definitely made me feel better. It’s important that we support each other and that we continue telling our stories and raising awareness so that young women know that no one is entitled to touch their body without their consent. I am sorry that you’re a victim too, you’re strong and beautiful and no one can take that from you. Lots of love xo
Never would I tell anyone what to do but I think it would be in your best interest to block him. It is sad what he’s going through and you’re allowed to feel bad for him. Just please don’t let what he’s been going through excuse his actions. You didn’t deserve to be put through what he did to you. I am so glad I’ve been helping you even in the slightest. I know how it feels to feel isolated and confused and scared about this type of situation and it’s the worst feeling in the world and no one should have to experience it. Hell yes we should support each other that’s what we’re here for! Be strong, respect yourself, know your worth. You’re worth so much more than what happened to you and you always will be.
I did block him, and maybe I should feel bad for him because of the things he has been through but in all honesty everyone has hard times. Besides, he didn’t contact me to elicit sympathy or talk about his troubles. He contacted me to let me know that he was back in town and single, even though he knows that I am married. I told him I had try and sleep and he replied with a comment about watching porn and masterbation, so I blocked him. In his mind he clearly did nothing wrong. I want you to know that I appreciate your support, I have talked to my husband and my therapist but it’s nice to talk to someone that I know has been through what I’ve been through and has felt the things that I do. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for your kind words and support, lots of love
i know how you feel. Take care of yourself.
Dear survivor – thank you for sharing your story here. I am really proud that you wrote that you are able to see that what happened to you isn’t your fault. And it never was. But it’s amazing how our brains can make us think that. As for calling the police… you did the best you could with what you knew. So did the others. Please try not to blame yourself for that. It sounds like you’ve made a lot of progress in recognizing how what happened impacted you and in moving forward and I am sure that many this will be more hopeful after reading your post. Please take care of yourself. Sending you love and light! Alexis