This happened fourteen years ago but I am just now realizing that I was raped. I can look back and see how it affected me but at the time I thought it was my fault.
Back in high school I had a large group of friends that was composed of guys and girls, we hung out at a house down the street from the school. The guy who lived there was always alone, his mom had moved out and his dad worked all the time. We hung out there after school and started having parties there after functions at our high school and then it became every weekend. We drank and hung out.
I had a boyfriend in high school, I lost my virginity to him but a few weeks before prom I found out he was cheating on me and I broke up with him and went to senior prom with the friend whose house we hung out at. We had a nice night and returned to his house, other members of our social circle started showing up to drink and hang out. I have never been a big drinker and I never have more than a few drinks. At some point one of our male friends started sitting by me, we were talking and that’s the last real memory I have. I know now that he drugged me. My next memory is being naked with him in my friend’s parents bed, he’s shoving his penis in my mouth trying to get me to perform oral sex on him. I could barely speak but I managed to say “stop!” Then I remember him being on top of me, I couldn’t move my arms or legs, he said “wow, you’re really not into this are you?” A while later I was suddenly sober and I was able to push him off of me and stumble out of the room. I put my formal dress back on and walked the three blocks back home, it was five in the morning and I must have been in the bedroom with him for at least two or three hours.
He acted like it was consensual. I was so ashamed and confused. Then he did the same thing to three more girls in as many weeks. He brought a 14 year old to a party I was at and I could see him putting the moves on her and so another girl and I got her out of there before he drugged her.
I only see now that it affected me very deeply, I didn’t let men get close to me, a guy would like me and I’d drive him away. Luckily 12 years ago my husband was persistent enough to get through my walls. The sad part was that none of us girls contacted the police. We banded together over our common experience and exacted nasty revenge, but it didn’t make us feel better and he didn’t understand why we did what we did. My rapist follows me on social media, he only dates men now.
— Survivor, age 32