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Quarterly Review

As my 1st job, I was working at a chain store while going to school, and supporting my Mother through her cancer treatments. We had some assistance, but not enough to cover bills and food, much less rent. I needed the job.
The manager TJ knew I was hard up since he got the assistance paperwork to confirm employment. It was as I finished 90 days, that he did my quarterly review to say if I was worth keeping.
TJ went over my review at the close. He had the actual review, which was satisfactory in all areas, with no absences.
He had a second made which was less flattering, with several callouts, customer complaints on my attitude, and suspicious behavior to be forwarded to security. Which one did he want me to have him send in, and did I think I could find more work in this economy with that record?
To get the right one, and save my absolutely mandatory job, all I had to do was blow him. Yes, he was that blatant, even taking his organ out as he spoke it. Of course, if I reported it, he’d already have faxed the review, with a report of that I threatened him with harassment after hearing the review. All I though was he was a Saint, with an erection!

I should have walked out, and if I didn’t need the money, I would have! So instead, he got his satisfaction.
And each week, when we worked until close, he got it again.
As far as I know, I was the only one.
I pacified myself with thoughts that I made more weekly from the job than a hooker giving oral once. He never requested actual sex, nor even for me to remove my top. I could tell myself I was lucky, I could have had a worse molester?

My Mother lost her fight, after several strong years. I sold the house and furniture(except a few precious pieces). I was free to move, and moved far and fast.
I wrote a complaint to HR, but he had already registered that I quit and retaliated due to poor performance. They promised to investigate, and that was the last I heard. I feel like I do not need to hear from those unwilling to listen.

Jobs were hard to come by. I can not say if it was a bad recommendation. I did not claim my reason for separation was harassment, for fear I would be labeled a trouble maker!
I fine business woman, LB I interviewed with asked me exactly why I left, beyond to loss of my Mother. It was strange to be at a job for years, and my explanation of bad review seemed strange to her. She seemed straight, so I said I was sexually harassed, and the company did not respond. Okay, she said I should say no more about it.
I got the letter, and expected the “Thank you for your interest, but we have decided on someone who better fit our needs” pile to get higher. It read I should report for testing and orientation the next Monday!

I learned: The only thing worse than the Degradation of satisfying the abuser, is the Silence that satisfies him more!

— Martha, age 36


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