So this is a bit difficult but I need to be able to express myself and doing that with my family hasn’t been helpful because they don’t understand my pain and what I went through. When I was 13 Years old I was followed grabbed forcibly and thrown into an abandoned staircase of a project building in the Bronx (NY). There I screamed, I fought, I tried my best to get away but it was like the more I struggled the more violent he got. It got so bad to a point where he took my head and banged it on a pipe I then became weak and he took advantage of me.
That changed my life drastically! I hated myself. I didn’t have the support of anyone. I then became depressed and began cutting myself because that was the only thing that helped with the pain. I ended up stopping because my godmother had came from out of state and took me under her care, I then got the support I needed. I did report to the police but later on got scared because the person that attacked me I knew him and his friends. When his friends became aware that I pressed charges they began to follow me and threaten me with weapons. So I didn’t go to court anything. I still see him & I just freeze with my heart stopping still afraid that he might do something .
Now I am 17 years old, and sad to say that I have been raped again. Wanting to end my life still trying to figure out why this happened to me again. This time I was babysitting a neighbors daughters, and the roommate had came home drunk. So I helped him sit on the couch. He then began to touch me in my areas and I told him to stop that he’s crazy. I felt uncomfortable and all he said was just one time. I stepped back and told him no but he still went for it. He forced me down on the couch with his forearm on my throat and telling me if I moved he was gonna press harder. I was scared to death all I wanted to do was die, having flash backs of everything I went through the first time kills me.
I have no one to relate in this house or I feel like anymore but here I have been seeing other stories and decided to write mine. Hope it wasn’t any bother.
— Rosa, age 17
Rosa,
You are so incredibly brave for sharing your experiences with the Brave Miss World community. First, I want you to know that you are not alone and that what you are feeling is normal. I don’t believe there is ever really a “why this happened” or “why this happened again”, other than that someone decided to commit an act of violence. You did NOTHING wrong. I want you to know that healing is possible and that there are really great resources available online and in New York City.
Sometimes reading stories from other survivors is really helpful. Like you said, it somehow makes us feel less alone. Writing our own stories can also help lift a little bit of the pain we feel.
If you’d like to talk further, please respond to this message. I’m happy to help you find some resources in New York.
Thank you again for your bravery and courage.
Light and love,
Alissa – Brave Miss World Team Member