Rape In a Rural Town

I was 17 years old at one of my best friend’s family homes.

We were laughing and drinking and having a great time as we usually do on the weekend. This time we were joined by my best friends brother and his friends. They usually go to the night club but tonight they drank with us which I was excited about because her brother and I always got along and my friend used to tell me he doesn’t like my friends usually but he thinks you are so cool. Well I was flattered of course but everyone had met my boyfriend so I thought it was just a comment about friendship.

This particular night we were all drinking together and everyone decided they wanted to play pool. I am hopeless at pool I said so my friends brother asked me to tell him about my up coming 18th birthday and my plans for it. I was really excited and took every opportunity to talk about my 18th because having a big party was such a big deal! I remember talking about it excitedly… then I remember waking up in my own home in my own bed. Walking out of my bedroom and seeing my mum in her room on the phone so mad. I asked her how I got home and she wouldn’t even look at me. I checked my phone and I had 10 missed calls from my boyfriend. I called him back but no answer.

After messaging everyone that night I realized how sore I felt and went to have a shower seeing bruises all over my vagina, what the hell has happened to me? I panicked.

Finally my best friend from all my life called as she was there that night and told me her recall of what happened. She had come back outside to talk to me and saw me all slumped over looking extremely drunk in only 10 minutes from when she left to go inside. I was barely responding to her and then my other friends brother led me by the hand to his bedroom and locked the door. My best friend was banging on the door but everyone said it wasn’t a big deal and I had told everyone I was on a break with my boyfriend. In the end my best friends boyfriend made her go home with him. But not until after my boyfriend came to the house after not hearing from me and asking where I was. No one would tell him and then he found me. In Michaels room on the floor naked covered head to toe with a blanket out cold. He looked at me discusted. Left the room and called my mum to come and pick me up.

I blamed myself, how could I have cheated and not even remember? What was wrong with me I have lost every thing and every one who loves me. I wanted to end my life and I almost did until a thought occurred maybe it wasn’t my fault. I went to th3 hospital and they took me straight in and confirmed my fears. I had been raped at my friends family home by her brother. They asked if I wanted the police involved but I couldn’t bring myself to do it after all they were a nice family how could I tear it apart.

After that I told my mum and my boyfriend and the rest is a blurr. I deteriorated I hated myself I drank excessively I lost all my self respect. After 6 months my mum couldn’t do it anymore she knew O would get worse if I kept staying here. So with the help of family I moved states from Queensland to Tasmania.

Its been nearly 4 years. I am only just starting to face the demons this man left me with. I am just starting to feel I am giid enough again. And just starting to find professional help. I have a long way to go but I am not doing it alone and I know it will get better.

I don’t remember what happened to me, but what happened afterward was as traumatic as if I was trying to remember and creating it in my mind over and over again.

It doesn’t run my life anymore. They are his sins not mine