Rape survivor

I was 14 years old when i was raped. It was my boyfriend at the time and i was still a virgin. We had sexual contact at the time but i did not want to have sex. I felt that i was not ready to lose my virginity yet. He accepted this until later in the night when i was half asleep. He was on top of me and i froze, i lay staring at the TV which was just a blue screen with 001 in the top write hand corner. The next thing i heard was “it’s all way up” i was still frozen to the spot until i plucked up the courage to push him off and told him he was hurting me. He got off without saying anything, got on the sofa and went to sleep. I ran upstairs to my friends crying and it went on from there. I decided to tell his parents so i went to his fathers house. When myself and my cousin arrived there he ran away but his dad let us in. I explained what he had done, his dad asked if i was going to the police and i was in so much shock i said no. I left and was sat in my cousins car outside the house when he turned back up at the house. His father come out of the house and approached the car. He told us that he had admitted to what he did but in his dads eyes it was “a bit of both”. That night i went home and cried so hard. My friend forced me to tell my mum and we then went to the police. He was arrested and i went through the process of being interviewing, rape screenings and swabs and grueling hours of videoing my evidence ready for court. However, when the police interviewed him and his father they both denied it and also denied admitting to it. As we had sexual contact the police said it was not strong enough evidence to prosecute and he was a free man. He left our home time and moved away for a few years, that to me screams guilty. At the time i got hell of a lot of abuse from his friends at school and some of my “friends”, years later for them to only apologize to me and told me they knew i wasn’t lying. I went through torture for years, going through counselling, PTSD and anger issues. Finally after 10 years i received Eye Movement, Desensitizing and reprocessing counselling. It was extremely intense and very hard on me but since having that i have been so much stronger and i have the ability to help others. I have turned a disadvantage into a advantage. I am now in my final year of my degree in Counselling and Psychotherapy and i work with women that have been raped and sexually abused in a probation center in Manchester, England. In the future my goal is to work in a rape crisis center and help others like i was helped. Although i have my bad days and things still trigger me, these are very few and far between. I am happy with who i am and i am not ashamed to say i WAS a victim but now I AM A RAPE SURVIVOR!! #IAmBrave

— Jessica, age 27