When I was 21 years old (in a few weeks I’ll be 40) I was raped by a man I didn’t know.
At that time I was a flight attendant and came home from a long flight. At the parking lot (it was night, the parking lot was empty), he came out of nowhere. He asked me for a ride home, because his home was on my route (he explained where he lived), I agreed. Before I knew it he sat next to me. After a while he pointed out where to stop the car. As soon as I pulled over he grabbed my hair and said that he wanted the car. I said that he can take everything but please don’t harm me. He said that he wanted the car including me. I started crying, he took a screwdriver put it to my neck and commanded to stop. I had to lie on my belly on the passengers seat and tighten my arms with a tie-wrap. Then he started the car. After a while he stopped and my nightmare began….
I had to do things I’ve never done before. He did things to me, I’ve never done before….
He took my innocence and my trust in people. He took my dream to be a flight attendant. He took my life…..
I went back living by my parents and the manhunt began.
At one day the police came over and told me that they found him. He was a convicted rapist which was released from prison through mistakes done by justice department. But that was not all; they thought he raped and killed a little girl and raped another girl before he raped me.
I was in a shock and couldn’t stop crying.
Finally, I met the other girl and we were both so happy to meet each other. We shared the same thing with the same man. It felt so good to share my story with someone who knows what I went through and with kind a man. We cried, laughed, talked for hours.
This man is convicted for murder and rape and still is in prison. He serves a medical treatment (in Dutch called TBS). Every 2 years he and his doctor must explain his physical condition and if he makes progress. Every time he tries to stop the treatment but the judge thinks he doesn’t make progress.
For a long time I blamed myself; I agreed to give him a ride, although my mother always told me not to go with strangers or take strangers. And I just did the opposite.
I was (and still am) mad and sad for what he did to me; I quit my job (my dream) went back to my parents. It felt like he took everything. Not only my body, also my life.
Now I know I’m not the one to blame. He did something to me against my will. Although he took my dream to be a flight attendant; I now live with the man I love, have 2 beautiful kids and live in a beautiful home. It satisfies me to know that he lives in a prison and isn’t happy. Although he doesn’t have any feelings about what he did to us.
Sometimes I think back at that night as a memory but there are days that I think back at that night as a nightmare and I can’t stop crying. After that night I am not the same girl as I was before. I am a different person with an awful experience which I take with me the rest of my life. And that makes me sad.
I am so sorry
Thank you, Camden. Are you victim as well?
I am so sorry for what happened to you. You are one of the most bravest people I’ve met for continuing your life with hope. God Bless You.
Dear Justin, thank you for your kind words. I hope I’m an example for other people.
Thank you so much for sharing your story here. You have every right to be mad and sad; no one has any right to tell you differently. You get to feel whatever you need to feel for as long as you need to feel it. I can’t imagine what you must go through every 2 years when those evaluations happen; I hope you can keep as safe and distanced from them as possible. I am unbelievably grateful to read that you live with a man you love and children you love. I wish you new, beautiful dreams in your life. I wish that you feel fulfilled and happy. And most of all I hope that you love the person you have become; from what I see, she is amazing and brave and strong and full of light. Love, Alexis
Wow, I’m crying right now. All those kind and loving words from everybody…….I didn’t expect to get so many reactions……
For a very long time I hated myself for the person I became, I didn’t know myself anymore. I still have those feelings, but (fortunately) not so many times as before. I’m getting there to love myself again, but I think it will take a long road to get there.
You are probably right that it will take time to get there, but I am so proud that you are working toward it. I’m glad you’re not hating yourself as often and I hope it continues to get less and less and less. You are a role model and a beautiful example for other survivors.
Thank you, Alexis, for your loving words. Your words give me strength and the believe I will get there, even though it will take me a long time.
I wish they gave him 2 us as dougen brothers ryt here in s.a to sought him out angel i wish? Damm looser and coward. I am so sorry u had to go tru dat painful road dear! Be strong and all da best 4 u and family .may u have a blessed festive season 4 u and yr loved ones! 🙂
I’m so sorry
I hope you r okay
I was abused physically ,sexually , and verbally when I was five by my stepdad.
I am now 13 and have been in mental hospitals five times but am getting better slowly.
I really hope you got the help you needed.
You are such a sweet and kind person and I wouldn’t think less of you. I hope to grow up and become a flight attendant
Dear Kaitlyn, I am very sorry to read what you have been through and still are….I can’t imagine…..Hopefully you still enjoy life….I know it is tough…..
Finally I got the help I needed, it still took me a long time to get there where I am now. It is hard to realize that it’s something that you will carry with you for the rest of your life, you can’t erase it. I had to deal with that idea for many years. But I will get there, although I takes a long time.
I hope you will get there someday and that you love yourself again and that you follow your dreams; becoming a flight attendant.
I pray that Lord heals your mind and heart
So kind of you, Rosa. My thoughs are with you.
You are of my mom’s age. I consider you as a mother. You have a nice family and a happy life now. So just forget about the past and enjoy your present life. Good luck in every step you tale in your life.
Dear Aakash, thank you for your loving words. It is hard to forget about my past…..it is something I will never forget but I hope it will be a memory instaed of a nightmare…..I will get there, someday….
I certainly enjoy my present life, I love my 2 children so deeply and try to be there for them wherever I can.
im really sorry for what u been though and I also been though the same
You are brave. I was raped three months ago and I hadn’t thought it was rape till two days ago. I was drunk. It’s hard rock deal with. Two weeks later I was coerced and sexually assaulted by my neighbor in my house. I feel like crying putting it down and telling someone who understands. I was in an abusive relationship for nine years until three years ago. I’d come along way and was happy and starting to live my dreams. Now I don’t recognize myself and I struggle with my weight and appetite and thoughts and feelings. I’m scared a lot. i’ve got no one to talk to.
Dear Bella, I am so sorry what you all have gone through and I am sad to read that you have nobody to talk to. For me it was so important to tell my story, it helped (and still does) me a lot. Feel free to share the things you struggle with, with me. I hope I can help you wherever I can.
I am so sorry for what you have been through and it was so important to hear a story like this, I’m so sorry this man took over your life and your body. There is no need to blame yourself for that mess, but I’m so balky that you are with the man that you love and have 2 children. God bless you and your family.