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Rape Victim

When I was 21 years old (in a few weeks I’ll be 40) I was raped by a man I didn’t know.

At that time I was a flight attendant and came home from a long flight. At the parking lot (it was night, the parking lot was empty), he came out of nowhere. He asked me for a ride home, because his home was on my route (he explained where he lived), I agreed. Before I knew it he sat next to me. After a while he pointed out where to stop the car. As soon as I pulled over he grabbed my hair and said that he wanted the car. I said that he can take everything but please don’t harm me. He said that he wanted the car including me. I started crying, he took a screwdriver put it to my neck and commanded to stop. I had to lie on my belly on the passengers seat and tighten my arms with a tie-wrap. Then he started the car. After a while he stopped and my nightmare began….

I had to do things I’ve never done before. He did things to me, I’ve never done before….
He took my innocence and my trust in people. He took my dream to be a flight attendant. He took my life…..

I went back living by my parents and the manhunt began.
At one day the police came over and told me that they found him. He was a convicted rapist which was released from prison through mistakes done by justice department. But that was not all; they thought he raped and killed a little girl and raped another girl before he raped me.
I was in a shock and couldn’t stop crying.

Finally, I met the other girl and we were both so happy to meet each other. We shared the same thing with the same man. It felt so good to share my story with someone who knows what I went through and with kind a man. We cried, laughed, talked for hours.

This man is convicted for murder and rape and still is in prison. He serves a medical treatment (in Dutch called TBS). Every 2 years he and his doctor must explain his physical condition and if he makes progress. Every time he tries to stop the treatment but the judge thinks he doesn’t make progress.

For a long time I blamed myself; I agreed to give him a ride, although my mother always told me not to go with strangers or take strangers. And I just did the opposite.
I was (and still am) mad and sad for what he did to me; I quit my job (my dream) went back to my parents. It felt like he took everything. Not only my body, also my life.

Now I know I’m not the one to blame. He did something to me against my will. Although he took my dream to be a flight attendant; I now live with the man I love, have 2 beautiful kids and live in a beautiful home. It satisfies me to know that he lives in a prison and isn’t happy. Although he doesn’t have any feelings about what he did to us.

Sometimes I think back at that night as a memory but there are days that I think back at that night as a nightmare and I can’t stop crying. After that night I am not the same girl as I was before. I am a different person with an awful experience which I take with me the rest of my life. And that makes me sad.


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