Raped

When I was 12 years old when my half brother from my mothers side raped me. Not once but twice. The second time I was 13 years old.

The first time it happened, he told me He had forgotten something in an old apartment he was fixing. So I went up with him. He was in another room and I was standing in this empty apartment waiting to leave. He tried to make a sexual advance at me but I said no. He got mad and walked towards the kitchen. I thought it was the end of that subject, he walked up from behind me and choked me until I couldn’t move. I was going in and out of being awake. He let me go and told me if I ever said anything he would kill me.

A year later he appeared at my house. He came for my birthday. He said he would buy me a camera I wanted. He told me he had changed and that he would never hurt me. I was a little girl. I believed him. I thought he was a better person. We left my house and he told me he had to go pick up some money from his apartment. I said no cause I was afraid, but he reminded me that he had changed and he was a better person. So, I let my guard down and went with him. Five minutes into being in the apartment he did the same. He grabbed me, choked me, and threw me on the ground. I tried to fight back but I was helpless. when he finally stopped and I woke up, He was standing over me with a large butcher knife, telling me how sorry he was. He asked me if I would say anything. I said no out of fear of my life. He let me go and I went home. I said nothing to my parents. I lied and said they had jumped us and thats why I looked the way I did.

I told my sister first and she called him to curse him out. I told my mom but she didn’t really bring it up. The one person I didn’t tell was my father, out of fear the he would kill him. I told my mom 3 years after it happened out of fear that she wouldn’t believe me. I was afraid that they would blame me, and for a while I thought it was my fault. Not the first time but the second time it happened. I felt that I was so stupid for believing he had changed.

Until this day I haven’t pressed charges. I’ve seen stories of women that go through the court system and always end up losing. I don’t want to go through that, it would kill me. But I always think about this happening to other women because I haven’t spoken out on it. I had a hard time after, with my sex life and so forth, It was really hard for me to trust. I didn’t go out or have friends for a long time, and I didn’t have a boyfriend for a few years after. Then I met my fiance. He helped me a lot, he helped me heal. He helped me trust again. He let our relationship move at my pace so I was comfortable. I saw you film and I would like to say what you do is amazing. You are an inspiration because not many people care for this sort of thing. They throw the rape victims to the side, like we aren’t important. I salute you for speaking out on this issue but also for sharing your story.

— Yalitza, age 20