Raped at 16

I was sixteen taken to a party by a girlfriend that I trusted. When we showed up there were on 2 men there that I never met. We drank and got drunk, I fell asleep and woke up in the middle of the night and one of the guys were on me trying to force himself on me. I called out to my friend and was told by the man she left me there. I remember saying to him “NO” several times and trying to push him off. He was stronger than me and I finally conceded to him, partly because I was drunk and partly because I deserved this!!! I never reported it and the next day I was out of town and he offered to drive me home. Since I lived in a small town in Durango, Co it was about 20 miles out town, I told him fine. I had him drop me off a block away from where I lived so he would not know where I lived.

I think some times, that I have a life that is wild, self destructive, and very sexual because of what happened to me. I want a man to touch me and have sex with me, I have a strong personality and I think keeping it to myself and but divulging the story to my closest friends have helped. I never told my Mom who died four years ago, but I know if I would have told her she would have been very supportive. Thank you for having this website to tell my story. I have been a probation officer for 13 years and 8 years have been working with youth; it is very rewarding and I have known many young girls that have been raped, but they will not admit it. I offer the support and services to the youth that their family will not provide or choose themselves to overlook . Thank you.