I was sexually abused twice by a cousin when I was 8 years, although I do not remember anything from my childhood this painful event has been in my mind since it happened, I can remember everything: colors, smells, ambiances. Years passed by and somehow I got close to this individual again as he was my supplier for marijuana for almost 6 years. I remember being in front of him smoking weed and wanting to let him know how much I hated him for having done such a hideous thing to me. I am pretty sure he did that to other members of my family. After several years I stopped going to his house and totally lost contact with him.
At age 30, I decided to speak out and tell my parents what had happened, my mother was in shock and she ran to the other room to tell my father about it; he did not say a word. I then was taken to a psychiatrist to have medication for the trauma, I have been struggling with insomnia for 14 years. I am now 44 years old and I have been trying to forget about it for years, I even joined a group of spiritual healing in my country to try and overcome the situation. This event has marked me for life and I am pretty convinced it influenced in my sexual orientation as I became gay, which to date it has been quite challenging.
For years I was embarrassed, and felt dirty and low and simply could not understand why me, why this individual chose to perform such a thing. I shared my story with some of my relatives and friends and I was blamed for not telling anything when this guy did that to me. I don’t think an 8 year old child knows what sex is, at least not me.
I have to tried to forgive and forget but those memories will always be a part of me.