Hello, to whoever is reading this. This is the second time I’ve ever told anyone about what happened to me, but my friend has persuaded me to talk about it.
I was 14 at the time, (a year ago) and I was going out with first boyfriend (who was 17.) I was worried about dating an older boy, but he was my best friend’s cousin, who said he was a nice guy. And he was for the first 3 months.
It happened when I was around his house for a date one night. We were in the middle of kissing, when he grabbed my hips and slammed me against the wall. Stupidly I thought it was an accident, and didn’t want to ruin the moment, so I didn’t say anything.
Then he started to touch me, that’s when I started to fell uncomfortable. So I gently reminded him that I was 14 and not ready yet for that type of relationship. “Oh yeah, sorry,” is what he replied.
I stupidly went back to kissing him, when his hands lowered down again. I told him to stop. He then asked “You love me right?” At the time I did, so I replied yes. He then tied my hands behind my back with some cloth that was laid nearby. Again I told him to stop. Next he started to undress me and I protested again.
He smiled at this, then out of his pockets he pulled out a blade. He then told me that he would stab me if I didn’t go along with it. I then stood their paralyzed with fear as he continued. Later he took out his phone and took pictures of me naked. After that he raped me. At first I didn’t know what he was doing, because before the incident I was virgin. I remember it being so painful that after I was bleeding.
When he was finished he untied me… I was about to call the police when he said that he’d upload the photos he took onto social media. So I stayed quiet. At least once a week he would do the same to me, when he told me to go over.
After two months after the incident, he had to move town with his parents. I was so happy until I realized I still couldn’t tell anyone, and if I did they probably wouldn’t believe me.
Finally my friend got me to tell him what happened, and why I was acting differently. He still wants me to tell the police what happened, but they probably won’t believe me. I feel a bit better now I’ve finally told people, but it still won’t take away the feeling that what happened was my fault. Because I didn’t put up enough of a fight at the beginning or even notice the warning signs.
Anyway.. Thanks for hearing me out!