First time I felt the pain of being raped, I was 8 years old. That day haunted me every night. For some reason I managed to find a way to deal with it. I didn’t forget but I made sure it didn’t destroy me. Then I turned 20, how life changed for me. That one man I trusted with my life became the man I am most afraid of. My father never wanted me to date; he would tell me how bad men can be. How they can destroy my life. He was protecting me from man outside so that he could be the one who destroys me.
One morning he walked on me naked, getting ready to go to school (university). He slowly approached me than he had this smug look on his face. “Hmmm you have a sexy body,” how I will never forget those words. How I will never forget that morning. He pushed me on the bed, held me down. I couldn’t scream or move. I was in shock.
Oh he had his way with me. What came next was even worse, I cried. As kept crying he told me to shut up or he will beat me to death. I thought he was bluffing. He took an electrical cord and he canned me until I was bruised all over.
Three days after my birthday, the day my life changed forever. He started changing and wanted to control me. He didn’t want me to have male friends. He wanted me to be at home all the time and if he called and I was somewhere, he would get angry. I was made to feel worthless and he constantly reminded me that everything I had was because of him. Every time my phone rang, he wanted to know who I was speaking to. When I made a mistake, he reminded me of how he would beat me. He does not want me to further my ambitions in life. He said he has money and can take care of me, so why do I need to work.
I am 23 years old now and he still has his way with me. Now I would just lie on the bed and he would do what he wanted. After he sleeps with me, he goes to my mother. She is pregnant with her 5th child. I am afraid I am next. When I try to have a boyfriend, he would make sure he tells them how I am such a bitch and it always has been that way since I was 6 years old. He says this even to my male friends. I tried to ask my family and friends for help, he turned them all against me. I literally have no one and nowhere to go. I tried committing suicide so many times already. Now I just don’t know.