When I was 14, I was raped and beaten by the guy I had feelings for. He had always acted too sexually full on for me, but being so young, I was naive and believed that he liked me too. He was 16.
I went to my first ever party with my brother and a close family friend, in the bush. I was excited and had a few drinks. I knew I was too young but everyone else was and my brother was there so I felt safe. My rapist, Matt, came up to me and started kissing me and I was so excited. He started to work his hands around my body and I started to feel uncomfortable, but didn’t want to seem stupid so I let him do it.
He pulled me behind a bush about 2 meters away from the party and pushed me into the ground. He was being nice and asking my permission to kiss me. But then he asked if he could kiss me, under my dress. I said no, and that’s when he started being forceful. He pushed me back, forcing sticks and twigs to break the surface of my skin. He ripped the top of my stockings and pushed my dress up. He did what he wanted as I froze. I couldn’t push him away and whenever I tried, he could push me back or hit me, or push his hand really hard into my stomach. He forced me to give him oral sex, and made me choke and almost vomit.
He then climbed on top of me and forced himself between my legs. He smiled at me and kissed me and asked if I wanted to have sex. He said ‘lose it to me’. I said no many times. By that time, I was crying hysterically, and some people stumbled over to us. They were his friends. They watched and laughed as he pushed himself harder on me. All I remember after that is that he pushed my underwear aside and forced himself inside of me. He told me to stop crying and pushed my face into the ground.
I stumbled back to the party, crying, blood between my legs.
I woke up in the morning and found the bruises and cuts. I put on long clothes and hid my injuries and hurt for months until I finally spoke up.
Only my family believed me. I lost friends, was bullied for 3 years, almost quit school, had to be interview several times by child services and my parents were blamed for the ordeal.
That one violent night of my life ruined my entire life. I have been diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder, severe depression, severe anxiety, obsessive compulsive disorder and psychotic tendencies. I have tried to take my life and most of the time, I feel so alone that I don’t want to keep living. Despite all this, the best thing that I ever did was speak up about what happened. Although he and his family still live around the corner, I have gained enough strength to leave my house. I have a healthy relationship that has saved my life several times. I am far from being okay, and people don’t realise how much rape and the subsequent abuse can affect you.
Brave Miss World was the most inspiration documentary that I have ever seen. Linor, if you even read this, please know that I find you such a major inspiration and I hope one day to hear you speak. Thank you.
— Marley, age 19