Remember as a victim you have done nothing wrong

There are so many opinions. She wore a short skirt. She didn’t say no. She wanted it. Yep…

I believe it can be complicated unless you are in the middle of the situation. Then it is very clear. You have said yes or no, or your body has indicated yes or no, very clearly.

Historically, silence meant – I abstain. I will not partake. When did silence begin to imply consent?

I was talking with a taxi driver recently and he said, from the age of 10 we had clear ideas of what was right and wrong. We knew we should or shouldn’t. There was no doubt. Maybe others were never taught the line or the lines they grew up in were changing. Daily.

For me, there are many stories that I can share… many. I don’t share with my friends or family as they will see me as a victim. Then I will suffer all over again. The assault and the insult.

My life was threatened by a man who locked me in a hotel room and said he would call an insane asylum to have me locked up if I left him. But I don’t think this was the worst assault to my soul.

i think the worst assault to a soul is to a child. A being who has no idea of anything. Who accepts with kindness of heart the kindness of another assuming it is good.

This happened to me. I was very pretty, smart, vivacious. My brother and I used to spend a lot of time in the gardens with the gardner. He became our close friend. We loved him. We were so happy to see him. I was five – six years of age.

One day he asked me to go down to the boiler room with him. I went. Happy to be with him. In the privacy, he kissed me. I didn’t know what it meant but I felt special. This is what was strange. I felt special. He told me not to tell anyone. I didn’t.

This happened more than once, but I do not remember more. And do not remember if there was more. I don’t think there was.

He left. I didn’t know why. Many, many years later I said to my mother I have something to share with you. I said, “the gardner kissed me when I was very young”. She said she knew. She saw a look in his eye and fired him. That was the end of the conversation. Change of topic.

Can you imagine how much courage it took to even bring it up? But, it was not important, inconsequential. it was never discussed again. I will say nothing more…

There are many assaults and some can come from those you love, when you need them them most, when you need them to step out of their “me” mode.

It was many years before I realised that he was a pedophile. I wasn’t given permission to go there.

So, for all the girls out there who have been assaulted in any way – remember, there are two in every situation and both know what is going on.

If you have ever said no with your voice or your body, a good man would have listened. A bad man ignores. Forgive the simplicity.

Always remember, you have have done nothing wrong.

-your friend T