I can’t remember only give an estimated age when I was molested but what I can most likely believe I was raped. They say you don’t start having long term memory’s until the age of 3 and beyond. So that’s why I think it was at the age 3 to 5 was when I was raped. When I would play with my dolls I would make them do sexual things and act sexual. I was interested in sex before I knew what sex was. When I was younger I remember playing with my brothers as if it was normal. I am 16 years old now. I have an std that showed up at the age of 11. I am not nor ever sexually active of what I know of. When I was younger and my brother would play my dad would see us and spank us till we cried and my brothers mom hated me she really did. My question is if you see a child acting this way why did they blame me? Could they not see that something was wrong? Did they think I was experimenting what at the age 4, who does that. I used to cry a lot a year ago from the realization of my action my interests in sex and my std all came down to one thing. I wanted to blame everyone who saw the signs and didn’t act on them when they were right in front of them. I can’t be near or comfortable touching people even my own my own mom or dad. I never feel comfortable if there skin is touching mine. I just needed to tell my story. Thank you.
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I am really grateful that you shared your story. Sometimes putting words to our experiences is very healing. Your questions are so important and maybe you are not seeking actual answers to them, but they had me thinking a lot as I read your post. I’ve often wondered why others don’t see the signs of trauma. I think that sometimes they do see them, but they don’t know exactly what they mean or they are afraid to know what they mean. That probably doesn’t make it any easier for you to navigate the healing process, but I hope you know that their silence and lack of action was not about you. Healing from sexual victimization can take a long time. A lot of survivors can’t stand being touched, but in time and with help many can and do overcome it. I hope that for you that you are able to heal from this. You deserve love, compassion, and support. You are very very brave. Lots of love to you, Alissa