I was a happy bubbly 5 year old when my uncle got me to play dress up with him, he made me wear underwear that had a hole in them. He then preceded to show himself to me and then made me sit on him which push him inside me. My whole body went numb. Not long after he started he finished. He then went to the toilet to urinate calling me to the toilet he proceeded to force me to put him in my mouth. A few days passed and he tried to sit next to me and a freaked out and ran out of the room. I ended up telling my other uncle about what his brother did to me and he told my mum and dad. Due to him being to young he never had to face up to what he did. At the age of 11 my dad wanted to show me how to play with myself, so he would take me into his room and told me to get undressed lay on the bed and touch myself while he would touch himself. Jump to 13 I was staying with family and a extended member of the family asked me for a backrub not thinking anything of it ( I trusted him ) I went to his room next thing I know he was on top of me pulling my undies aside and I froze knowing what was happening I didn’t say anything as I felt him inside me. He sped as he got closer to finishing. I then got out of the bed in a lot of pain and trying to hide the blood that was running down my leg. About a month before I turned 14 we moved into a caravan park where I tried to make as many friends as I could. In that lot of friends was a guy who made himself out to be a nice guy. I was at his place with him and his wife watching movies. When out of the blue his wife said she had to go out and I didn’t see anything wrong with staying and watching the movie when all of a sudden he grabbed my pant legs and started to pull them off. I got back on my knees trying to leave but he grabbed my hips pulled my pants down and started to push himself inside me, he was to big and caused me a lot of pain. Hearing his wife’s car he let me go. I pulled my pants up and ran back to my caravan.I told noone. Not long after that my dad’s girlfriend asked me if I wanted a day off school I like most teens said yeah sure why not. Half way through the day she had a friend visit her. She called me to the back of the caravan where she sat with her male friend. I walked in then he grabbed me and put me on the bed she held me down as he took my clothes off he started by putting his face down there, I felt dirty and he kept on touching me. After what seemed like forever he put my legs over his shoulders and then thrust deep into me. Even though I had been though this sort of thing before never had my own body turned against me. His thrusting was hard and fast. My body orgasmed and he finished. Saying that it was not rape because I came. Since then I have issues allowing myself to reach the point of coming.
I am 35 now and a mother of 5 and alot of my story had not been told to anyone.
There was more and I still have not got to a point that I can share or get over it.
— Chelle
Wonderful Survivor Chelle– I am so happy to see that you are a mother and you are victorious over the predators who harmed you in your youth. You must be a very strong lady to have overcome that many predators and I hope you know it is NOT YOUR FAULT. About the CRIMINALS who told you because you had the physical response of an orgasm during rape you were not raped or liked the rape, I do not have words strong enough to say how false that is, what a lie that is.It is not just me saying that – professionals in the field of rape sexual assaults/abuse deal with this reality all the time – the human body has certain responses to certain actions – many, many examples. And unwillingly having an orgasm during RAPE is a possibility and does not mean the survivor wanted it. Rapists have been known to have 3 year old kids have this reaction which is an evil thing to do. Also – men who are raped often do not report it even more than women because they feel humiliated because of the physical response – becoming hard, UNWILLINGLY. You MUST get counseling on this, talk to a therapist or counselor on things you and your significant other can do privately. The issue you have bravely brought to the fore is one that has been in the media numerous times – how does a sexual assault victim come forth and have a normal relationship. let me give you some examples – Jaycee Lee Dugard gave an interview where she said ” I do not think i will be able to have a consensual relationship as part of my life,he took that away, but I am adoring of my kids” – but she said that 10 years ago – who knows? Elizabeth Smart is very articulate, a happy wife and mother and says ” I adore my husband and no one is taking anything away from me!!” Sean Hornbeck does not talk alot but is in a happy relationship and does not mince words ” I’m HAPPY” so —- any reaction you have is the right one for you! You did not say if you have a wonderful significant other/ husband but I am going to assume that is so. OK, this is pg rated folks ! Women are complicated – there are more than one way for them to have an orgasm and the BEST way and most powerful way is with a good human being, a significant other they can trust, someone who they can communicate with, and tell things to.If you have that, you are ahead of the ballgame . You deserve that Chelle, that is your right. It’s going to take talking and communication with a professional, but it’s worth it – you have about 70 years of satisfying sacred lovemaking to go – get started – and feel free to get back to us with any updates! You are such a fighter and a hero – TU!
Thank you so very much, I keep hearing that it’s not my fault but still have the feeling of guilt. I am in a happy relationship with an amazing man. I still have a lot of trouble trusting men in general.
Dear Chelle – thank you so much for sharing your story here. First of all I am so grateful you felt safe to share here. Sometimes sharing with someone – even someone you don’t know – can be a really big release. None of what happened to you was your fault; I think sometimes when we have that kind of experience, we just try to survive the next one. Your body having an orgasm feels SUPER confusing, which is totally valid, BUT the truth is that it’s basically a chemical reaction. Not what society teaches us, I know, but it does NOT mean what he did was ok or you wanted it or that it wasn’t rape. I don’t think you “get over it”; I think you heal but that doesn’t mean that you forget it. But I really believe you can only do that with therapy. I don’t know what it looks like for you because I believe it looks different for everyone. When you find a therapist you like, you talk through what you want healing to look like for you and how they can help you achieve that. Please know I’ll be thinking of you. Love, Alexis