Secret overload

I just finished watching the documentary…I cried so much..
I am still crying. I hoping that I can press send when I have finished writing my story.
I was 10 years old, I lived with my grandparents at the time, because my mom had migrated to Canada.
I remember playing with my friend (Jackie) , like we always do. Jackie’s brother approach us and asked Jackie if she was ready to go, Jackie replied, ‘yes’..
He would asked her the same question almost everyday, and Jackie would leave to go with him. This particular day she asked me if I would come with her, and I said yes.
I followed them to a river, when we got there he told us to lay down and to take our panties off.
Honestly, I just realized that this is the first time that I have written about the rape.. its so hard for me to say ‘rape’…
it so hard for me to continue, but I will try.
He raped me and then he raped his sister Jackie. I was in so much pain.. He told us to not tell anyone because he would kill us. I walk home in pain and did not tell anyone.

I migrate to Canada about six month after the rape and suppress it until I return back to Jamaica when I was 16 years old to visit my grandparents.
While in Jamaica I saw Richie(rapist) and he asked me if I had remembered him, I replied yes. I was so nervous I pee myself, I started to cry and when back to the house and prayed that he would die.
A week before my vacation was up, My grandmother came home crying and telling us that Richie had died. I was so angry that my whole family was grieving the lost of this man. I realized that I did not disclosed what had happened to me.. In that moment I told my Granny that Richie had done something bad to me. Granny, replied was ,”why are you telling us now.” and they went on crying.
I learn from that day to suppress it, not to tell anyone about this.
I am 50 years old in April, and this is the first time that I am sharing the story in detail..I would normally share that I am a survivor of sexual abuse.

I broke down after watching the documentary. I went on your website and start to write, but I had to stop and call the rape crisis centre in Toronto. She help me and gave me some resources at the women centre. Thank you for sharing your story,( standing in your truth) so that I can have enough encourage to stand in my own truth.. This is my story, thanks for reading it.