I don’t know what to call this. I am 18 year old male. I was at a mates house and it was a massive gathering of people. I ended up passing out three hours in and spending the rest of the night on the mattress in the spare bedroom. My friend comes in and starts making me touch her body when I’m conscious but have no control over myself because I was really drunk. The next day I gave it a lot of thought and today is when I’m writing this. I have a lot of anxiety and I just don’t know how to categorise this. If anyone here can help or share similar experiences with me, I would be incredibly grateful. I did talk to a couple of friends briefly and they did say it wasn’t my fault but something still doesn’t sit right with me. I feel like something is missing in me but I feel like I am being to extreme. I don’t feel the same as I did before. I can’t stand the thought of her anymore and it makes me so angry that it has come to this. A couple weeks back now we talked how I didn’t want there to be anything with between us, I’ve been seeing this other girl and i really genuinely like her. But I feel like my anxiety has got the better of me and taken me down further than it was before.
— Ethan, age 18
Dear Ethan – thank you so much for sharing your story here. What happened to you is ABSOLUTELY not your fault and no one ever has the right to make you do anything you didn’t consent to. I don’t want to categorize your story for you but I would encourage you to talk to a therapist to work through your anxiety and help you categorize what happened in the best way that works for you. You are not alone and working through that experience can be hard and confusing – but worth it. Your feelings are completely valid and anxiety is common after the kind of experience you had. It is not your fault and I’m so grateful you found this community. Sending you strength, Alexis
Hi Ethan – you are very wise to know something feels wrong because the person who coerced you into actions you did not want did something very wrong and hurtful to you. You are very brave to express it. Please do not let anyone dismiss your feelings or the wrongness of what happened because you are a guy. There is no excuse for acting wrong against a person who cannot consent – it’s a criminal act actually.Feeling anger and anxiety is very normal, please try to see a therapist to talk to someone because that is the way to learn and heal. You are very strong – keep up the good work!