Sexual Assault

Oh goodness this is hard.

I was 13 years old at the time, my “best-friend” was spending the night at my house. She convinced me that we should sneak out of the house to meet her boyfriend at his house (right up the street- he was considerably older than us). When we got there, this boy that she had been trying to get me to date was there. He wanted me to drink and smoke with him and I was not interested. I was sitting on the couch in the bedroom, and he was there too. My friend passed him a blanket and told me that I needed to learn to “feel good”. In her opinion, I should have been doing things with men early. The light was on, her and her boyfriend and another guy were there, and did nothing. He started to touch me underneath the blanket. I kept trying to move, and everyone in the room was laughing at me. They turned out the light and he carried me over to the bed. I was so scared and wanted to go home. The other people in the room went outside and ran in, saying that the police were at my house telling me I would be in so much trouble, then they stated it was a prank. I was so scared and I didn’t now what to do.

He then began to finger me, I remember he started by ripping holes in my jeans, there were very thin patches that were made to look like stars. It hurt so bad and I asked him to stop. The others in the room joked saying I wasn’t accepting growing up, they mocked me. He forced me to do other things, he ripped my shirt and wanted me to give him oral sex. I said no and he kept pushing me. He told me that I was a bad woman for not fulfilling his needs. My friend and I left. The next day she applauded me, and I told her it hurt so much, and that something was wrong. I asked her to ensure he could not be in a place like that with me again. She promised.

He constantly harassed me. I wore these rubber bracelets, which he said had sexual meaning and he would rip them off of my wrists-often bruising me. He would insult me, tell me I was fat and that if I didn’t give him what he wanted no man would ever love me. I tried to avoid him the best I could, he came over to my house and her boyfriend was with the other man and they both got into the car and we headed to her house. I tried very hard to avoid everyone, stay inside the house. My friend asked that we all go on a walk through the woods nearby, because she wanted to show me some plants (I love plants). I tried to say no, but that wasn’t accepted.

Once we were in the woods a ways. She said that she wanted to be alone with her boyfriend, and said that this man and I should “finish what we started” in an aspen grove. He lead me in there, and told me I was going to get all the things he had promised. He had a belt buckle with a condom in it. He pinned me against a tree as a begged him to stop and he stripped me naked. He laid me on the ground and started to touch me. My one saving grace was that my period was coming to an end, and there was still little bits of blood. He told me I was disgusting, that I should feel ashamed for leading him on, and he walked away. I was covered in dirt and crying on the ground. My friend called for me and I put my clothes on and left.

I am 19 years old now, I graduated as valedictorian of my tiny school and am now going to college to be a biologist. I was able to pay for college with scholarships I was able to obtain with the help of my current boyfriend. I now live with him and my cat. Without his support (before and after he knew) I do not think I would be where I am now. My family doesn’t even know, and I do not think I can muster up the courage to tell them. I haven’t quite fixed myself enough to break it to them.

My friend was a girl whom encouraged and enabled the abuse from the very start. I strongly believe that in order for this sort of abuse to stop, both women and men must help each other. There needs to be an idea that it is not socially acceptable for anyone to be treated this way. No one should down grade themselves or others and leave someone susceptible.

— Emma, age 19