I know that this is a site for women who were raped. I would like to share my story if it helps too.
I was 6 or 7 years old when my cousin (between 15-18 years old) moved to our department. He was living in the country side and he moved to our big city to have a chance to study. (This is in Latin America.)
I barely remember his face, but I remember we were alone in a room and he started to touch my butt. I felt uncomfortable. Then he started to finger my ass and I didn’t like it. It was so uncomfortable and I told him to stop. He told me not to say anything. He did it several times until one day I told my parents. They told me to go to another room. They talked to them and he left my place.
After this event, year after year my parents asked me if I remember him. I always say “No, I don’t.” They also asked me if I remember why he left. I said “No”. I lied. I was so embarrassed to tell them that I know what happened to me. I felt guilty, I don’t know why.
I am 43 years old now and for many years I forgot. Since 5 years ago, I have been thinking about it. In my mind there is always this question: “Why did he do that to me.” I was a little child, fragile and vulnerable. Why did he took advantage of me? Why? Why? I still cry. I still feel a deep pain in my soul. I have talk about it barely to a therapist. I don’t know why this is still bothering me. I still feel hurt. He ruined a part of me.
— Survivor, age 43
Dear survivor,
Thank you for sharing your story. It is very common for survivors to feel guilt about what happened. These experiences can leave survivors feeling vulnerable, embarrassed, and shameful. That’s why sites like this and documentaries like Brave Miss World are so important. It helps survivors know that they are not alone. I want you to know that everything you are feeling is normal. However, I also want you to know that you have nothing to feel guilty or embarrassed about. You did nothing to deserve what happened to you. He took advantage of a young child. It makes sense that you still feel pain and hurt about this, the journey to healing can be quite long, that doesn’t mean you are weak, it means you are a human being who experienced a deeply painful hurt and betrayal. You are really brave for sharing your story. I will keep you in my thoughts. Light and love, Alissa ~ Brave Miss World Team Member
I am deeply sorry for you. He was a bastard who took advantage to the fact that you were young, innocent and exposed. I know a simple sorry won’t relief the emotional pain he put upon you but I say this truly with my heart that I feel for you.I am sorry for you.I hope you will be able to recover and forget the pain that imbecile put upon you.