We had lived in a small subdivision at the time and everyone knew each other , and we always did stuff. I was 8 at the time and I had gone to stay the night at one of my friends house, but we’d gotten into a childish fight.
I left her home and started to walk to mine, but I was in tears with what she had said so I didn’t see the van coming up behind me. I was suddenly grabbed from behind, I started screaming and shouting, but nothing came out for he had a hand over my mouth. I was through in the back of the van so hard I barely was conscious. After what seemed like forever he reappeared, and grabbed me by the legs to drag me out. I was thrown over his shoulder, while kicking and struggling to get away. He opened a door, and threw me to the ground. I was picked up once again, and put into a chair, but then was bound. I kept crying and asking him to leave me alone but he just pried open my legs and raped me. Blood started to come from my legs, but he just grabbed a paper towel and started to clean it up.
The pain was unbearable, when I woke up I was back in the van. He didn’t realize it but I had still been awake as he started playing a sick game with me, he thought I was unconscious and just not responding. But, I stayed quiet.
Every night I have nightmares with his face in it, everything he did ruined me. I have cuts all over me from my razor, because of everything he said and did. If I had known it was rape then I would have told my parents, but now I’m too ashamed. Only two of my friends know and they both said it was my fault. I can’t help but think it was.
Thank you so much for sharing your story and your pain with Brave Miss World. I want you to
I know first and foremost that what happened to you is not in any way your fault. You were an 8 year old child and this man stole your innocence. I hope in time you realize that you have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. You did nothing wrong and rape is something that was forced on you, not something that you are. I also hope that by sharing your story here, you find the strength and knowledge that you are not ruined. He may have tried to ruin you, but you are beyond beautiful inside and out. Sometimes the pain and shame that survivors feel in the aftermath of sexual trauma is worse than the trauma itself, but we can and do move beyond it in time. You are stronger than you know and you are braver than you realize. You survived a horrific rape and you deserve to thrive. When I read your words I see a person with courage and strength, not someone who is ruined. I hope in time you see that too. Sending all the light and love I have toward you, wherever you may be. <3