I was 11 when I first met, lets call him Dave, he was 13 at the time. I live in Australia and Dave and his family were from Canada, they’d moved into my very small outback town, as his father is a priest, and they were ‘needed’ by the church. His mother is a gifted actress and singer and began holding her own acting classes which I began attending. It was here I first bumped into Dave. He was only 2 years older than me, but while I was in year 6, he was in year 10. Dave had asperger’s syndrome, highly functioning, child genius. Every male attracted person in town had a ‘thing’ for Dave, he was physically attractive, from a different country, talented, charming, sporty and a genius.
My first instinct was that I didn’t like him, I may have been the first girl in our town to ignore him. That made him want to chase me I suppose.
I spoke to him a few times when he was assisting his mum at acting classes over the next few years, he was always flirty but he was like that with everyone, he was confident. I started to find the idea of him wanting me attractive, at this point I was 13 and now attending the same high school as him. He was in year 12 (senior, age 15-16) and I was in year 8 (first year, age 13-14).
We were both actors in our high school’s production, a big deal at the time, and while on set he kept getting more familiar with me and we started talking almost 24/7 via snapchat, at first it was all innocent. Later on in the year a mutual friend told me that he was interested in me, I was happy at the time, and when he asked me to be his girlfriend later on I was ecstatic.
At the beginning everything was great, I told him I loved him and he said it back.
Then after a few weeks of doing whatever he wanted, I told him I didn’t want him smacking my bum in public, or grabbing my boobs, but he continued to do it, often hard enough to leave bruises. He would tell me that I was acting like a real ‘year 8’ for not enjoying it, and if I was older I would. In an attempt to prove I was mature enough for him I just started putting up with it.
Then he started asking me to be more and more physical in private, I was happy enough to kiss and touch over clothes, but he just kept pushing for me to take my shirt off, that was the first thing I really didn’t want that he pushed me into. Then it just kept going from there, doing things without asking over a series of months.
At this point I was 14 and he was 16, I was suicidal, depressed, having anxiety attacks, and I didn’t even make the connection at the time that a large portion of that was to do with him slowly taking my free will, one thing at a time. This was mainly due to the fact that he became the only person I could talk to about what I was feeling because I knew what we were doing is illegal according to my state laws and I believed we were in love, I believed anything he told me. At this point we hadn’t had ‘sex’ so in my mind things were fine.
I started seeing a social worker in an attempt to manage my self harming, and even though at this point I knew something wasn’t quite right with Dave I couldn’t bring myself to say anything.
I started to have episodes of disassociation at random times of the day, and memory holes.
During these next few months we had oral sex, and when I look back, I remember the first time being consensual, but now I’m not sure. I went down on him first but told him I didn’t want him to come because I was scared. He went down on me after, and the whole time kept telling me how lucky, I was because not many guys would ‘do this for a girl’. The next day I told him it had been a mistake and I didn’t want to do that again. After that he didn’t go down on me again. But he did orally rape me, over a period of weeks, each time still not coming. He told me that because he didn’t come he was doing what I wanted. The worst day, when he orally raped me he had been eating Indian food before hand and when he kissed me I could taste it, and I still can’t eat any Indian food because of the flashbacks. I wanted to tell someone at this point because I wanted things to stop. But he was the pastors son, incapable of lying, the apple of his mother&# 039;s eye, a woman I considered my own family. So I stayed quite, but I stopped putting myself in situations where we were alone enough for it to happen again. He moved into the city with his family a short time after and he was very ready to end our relationship in his words “it feels immature”, I didn’t know how to react so I tried to hold onto him and it was another month before I saw him again, he showed up at my house at nine o’clock at night, we hadn’t spoken in over a month and he intended to dump me, however I managed to dump him first.
It is now over a year since he raped me, six months ago I told my counsellor about what happened and she reported it to child services who reported it to the police who then told my parents. This was very triggering for me and I attempted to commit suicide even though my parents ended up being nothing but supportive of me. I begged them not to try and talk to Dave or his parents, and as far as I know they listened.
This Christmas Dave and his family moved back to Canada for good. However I still get friend recommendations for him on social media and, friend requests from people he’s friends with that I’ve never met.
I never want to see his face again, but I still want closure.
When it comes up with my mum she says things like “I still think you over shot yourself with Dave he was a 10 and you’re an 8 you’re probably never going to do better.” She is fully aware that I had non consensual oral sex with him.
I’m still healing, I am only 15 myself now, and after seeing Miss Brave New World on Netflix, I felt like I was ready to share.
Thank You, this is the fist time I have told the full story.