Smoke Together

I had just entered high school and i felt comfortable with more freedom and extreme stuff. I had some friends and in my country weed is really in-fashion… I found a person that was only 2 years older than me, he was handsome,fun and he started selling me the strongest things he was selling. We started hanging out and we used to smoke together … I had fun running from the police and hiding in abandoned buildings to smoke more,play card games and bully weak children. As the time passed and i had been in high school everything with that dude changed…we got closer and he kinda put me into his gang,made me smoke with other kids and then seduce them to steal them. But the ritual to enter his gang was…terrible..He said i ”had to get tough” and each day he would beat me, letting me return home at 3 or 4 am with bruises everywhere..i was crying all the time, begging for mercy but i learned to fight. I slowly rose up in the weird government of these gangs… i was good enough , he made me play a game with some other newer kids ”ARENA” . We would be placed in a closed space and fight till someone either passed out or broke something. My nose was bleeding and the guy that i was made to fight with had threw me on the ground , kicking and punching me wherever he could…that went on for months! I couldn’t keep myself anymore..so the next time i gave my all, i started fighting and i kept improving. So after 5 months , near winter holidays i was hanging out with that guy , our ‘leader”.. I had gotten a lot better but no match for him… He said it was time to fight him… My arms had turned purple and my lip was again bleeding. I was on my knees..he made me accept defeat and i just did..the pain was unbearable but still…it was nothing in front of what was coming…He unzipped his jeans and pushed my face on his crotch, i tried to crawl away but he pulled out a knife.. he made me gag so much that when he let go i threw up..he lifted me from my hair and let me go. A few days later, after staying home to recover , we went out to smoke… We went at our ”hiding place” that i so loved and enjoyed being in… After finishing about 5 cigarettes i was dizzy and he started rubbing between my legs . I just cried and tried to push him without any strength because i was so dizzy.. he punched my in the gut and proceeded to rape me..everywhere…violently…None was hearing my screams..it was late and we were in a closed building. he left me there and left.. i crawled my self home at 5 am crying loudly on the way. nobody came for help. my parents were sleeping. i took a bath and cried myself to sleep. So that went on until just a month ago but thankfully, at a movie about bullying and assault i had a breakdown. i screamed and cried in front of my parents unable to stop shaking…They learned everything and my dad went to find him…i haven’t heard of him much, just a few weeks ago he called me to ask an apology. he was crying. I’m still trying to recover but the nightmares and the constant fear are haunting me.

— survivor, age 16