I am now 38yrs old. I am Canadian. I am married to my high school sweetheart, who is my best friend. We have 2 boys. One 19, has just followed his fathers footsteps and joined the military. The other is 13. I have a wonderful life…. But I have a secret only my husband knows. When I was 13yrs old, 6wks after loosing my beloved grandfather to a heart attack and feeling very sad. I took a walk to the corner store. I lived in Montreal, Quebec. I didn’t see the man. I barely remember seeing the car parked but it was there. I was walking with my head down, listening to my walkman, with my hair covering my face. I felt an arm grab me from behind. I was pushed into a car from the driver seat, all the way over. I didn’t have time to think or fight or scream. He shoved my head down and started driving. He had a small knife. The car smelled like stale air, sweat and cigarettes. We drove for a long time. Eventually we stopped in an underground parking garage. He pushed the seat back into a reclining position and climbed on top of me. He pulled down his pants and tore off my panties. I was wearing a dress which he pulled up. He tried to penetrate me. He pushed against me but he couldn’t. He got angry, he pulled my hair, he punched me, he called me a whore. I was a child. I had never even had my first kiss. I had no idea what he expected me to do. He shoved his penis in my face, he smelled awful. It was disgusting and he wouldn’t get hard. I had vomit coming up in my throat. I can still taste it, I can still remember that smell. It will never leave me. He finally turned me over and sodomized me with a beer bottle that was on the back seat. I remember the pain, it was unimaginable. He was so rough. I remember thinking, this is how I will die. I will bleed to death. I must be bleeding to death, it hurt so much. My brain went numb, I left my body and after awhile it ended. He threw the bottle onto the seat. I looked up and saw it was covered in blood and feces. I was thoroughly sickened. I was never so ashamed. He tied his pants, opened the passenger door and shoved me out. I used my underwear to blot the blood flow. I called my friend. I was too ashamed to call my parents. I was 2 towns away and had no way to get home. My friend came. I told him I was kidnapped but not that I was raped. I told the police the same, he had grabbed me then let me go. The officer knew I was lying but I wouldn’t agree to be examined, and wouldn’t tell the truth. My parents didn’t believe me. They thought I’d gone off and made up a story about being attacked. I’ve never told them the truth. I told my husband when we were 19, shortly after we were married and I began to heal then. It will always be with me. I will always be afraid to walk alone at night. I still have nightmares though not as often. I know it wasn’t my fault. I volunteer with sex abuse victims but I don’t share my story with them. I still hate to talk about it. I don’t want people to see me as damaged or weak. I think without my husband I wouldn’t have survived. Thank you for sharing your story. And giving me the courage to share mine for the first time without shame.
— Jennafer
Really it is very hard for u .I only say at this movement I m saluting to u for showing bravery to fight with this incident and came back as hero.i m sorry I m not their for u .i m extremely sorry.rape is used as weapon against women in this cruel world which must be stopped.i think that women should have courage or should learn some fighting skills.
Don’t be afraid to tell the world. It isn’t anything to be ashamed, of, and he forced you against your will. You aren’t weak, because you don’t know what he wouldn’t done with the knife if you had, even if you took martial arts or such.
The government needs to pay attention to all the rape victims out there, because this is big deal. They don’t know how scary it is to be forced to do something you probably have never done before. No one does except the people who have gotten raped.
It was brave of you to share this, and tell many people who probably aren’t aware of this topic.
Remember, you aren’t weak. You tried to resist, and you were scared. Anyone would’ve been frightened out of their wits.
This is one of the most disturbing account… becoz it rings true and this kind of assault comes suddenly, out of blue. Nothing can be done to prevent/ escape. Feel sad for the survivivor.