June 24, 1993. I was 19 on this day. I had just completed my first year in the US Army. I was stationed in Alaska. My unit had been in the field for a month. I was actually the youngest person in the battalion and so was always called the battalion baby. Most of my friends were of legal age and since we had all been “camping” for a month many of them decided to go out and party that evening. Everybody was gone by around 9pm. My roommate had gone out for the evening as well.
Around 10pm, I decided I was going to just watch a movie until I fell asleep. About this time there was a knock on my door. I was rather surprised since I knew all my friends were out. I was in my pajamas when I answered the door. I opened it to see a friend of mine named Howie and a man I didn’t know. I was surprised to see him since he didn’t really live in the barracks. Howie was dating a friend of mine and they had their own place out in Anchorage. I said “What are you doing here Howie?” He replied, “Kathie and I got into an argument so I decided to come stay in my room here. My friend and I were wanting to watch a movie and I know you and Ingrid have a large collection. I was wondering if I could borrow one.” I replied, “of course. Just remember to bring it back.” He said he would return it.
I opened the door to let them in. They walked around the wall lockers my roommate and I had in front of the door so you couldn’t look into our room with the door open. I shut the door and walked around the wall lockers when Howie’s friend grabbed me and put his hand over my mouth. I am 5’7″, they were over 6′ tall. He had lifted me from the ground, one hand over my mouth, the other wrapped around my abdomen. Howie said, “if you cooperate you’ll be fine.” I wasn’t about to cooperate, I had thought we were friends. His friend dropped me on my roommates bed. I jumped up to get away. Howie grabbed me by the hair and pushed me facedown on the bed. I thought I was going to die, later I wanted to die. I was being smothered and I stopped fighting. He turned me back over and his friend got on the bed and put my hands above my head and under his knees. I yelled out and Howie punched me in the mouth. He told me I had better shut the fuck up and he punched me again. I was dazed for a moment.
Howie then ripped off my panties and laid on me and raped me. When he had finished I tried getting away but was slammed back down onto the bed and was told they weren’t finished yet. His friend had Howie pin my arms to the bed. He then raped me. They then left my room. I didn’t move, I was in shock I believe. I just pulled my roommates blankets over me and laid there on her bed and cried. I had a lot of blood on me, I wasn’t aware of that though. When my roommate returned around 2am, she wasn’t happy I was in her bed and she said, “what in the world are you doing in my bed. She pulled the blankets off and saw my face. I’d had a bloody nose, my lips were split open, and I had a black eye. She freaked out and screamed “what happened!?” I told her nothing happened and that I was fine. She sat on the bed and hugged me as she cried. She told me I needed to tell but I refused. She got our friend Victoria and her boyfriend Brian. He was so very mad. Punching things and threatening to kill the bastard. He left the room in angry tears. My friends couldn’t convince me to tell or go to the hospital. I went and showered instead.
The next morning the story poured out of my mouth. Everybody knew what had happened but I think because I didn’t want anybody to tell, nobody did. But that’s not really a thing that could be hidden. My commander called me into his office about a week after the rape. He begged me to tell him who had done it, I refused. He was a wonderful and compassionate commander. I know it hurt him that a soldier of his was brutally raped and refused to name her rapists. I ended up pregnant and had a miscarriage from the assault. I started drinking heavily. I drank for about a year until I discovered I was pregnant with my oldest daughter. I met a wonderful man when I was about 3 months pregnant and we ended up getting married and he raised her as his own daughter. We had another child together. I’m blessed to have two beautiful and smart daughters. My oldest is in her 2nd year at Harvard University. My youngest is a sophomore in high school. I worry constantly about them because of my experience.