Spousal Rape

5 years ago, I was married to an extremely emotionally and mentally abusive man. After only a few months of marriage, I decided enough was enough and asked him for a divorce. He refused. I attempted to file the Court documents but he constantly evaded service. Over the course of this time, I could not legally kick him out of my home (where I paid for everything). I had to deal with daily threats – verbally and physical intimidation (he would kick a hole in the wall, knock me over while passing me in the house, etc.) He told me that he was going to do everything he could to destroy my life (he believed that I destroyed his).

One night, I came home after drinking/clubbing and he proceeded to rape me, sodomize me and choke me until I lost consciousness. I didn’t know what to do. I was so terrified of ever seeing him again and the reality was that I lived with this person.

I was fortunate enough that I have several contacts that are attorneys. I was advised that even if I didn’t want to report the assault that I could still file for a restraining order and have him removed from the home, which is exactly what I did. Through the Judge’s questioning of why I was filing for a restraining order, I had to let her know why I needed it. He did not contest it and the order was made permanent. He then started stalking me and I have moved twice and changed jobs. The last I saw him following me was in August. I couldn’t snap a photo of him quickly enough and I’ve learned over the years of reporting the violations but if I didn’t have any proof, the police and courts did nothing.

I did eventually report the assault but because there was no physical evidence at that point, the district attorney chose not to pursue charges. I was aware of that this was a strong possibility but in the end felt that I needed to report it, in the event that it happens to someone else, I want there to be a record of it.

— Survivor, age 46