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Still Carry the Anger

AFTER 15 YEARS I STILL CARRY AROUND THE ANGER OF WHAT MY FATHER AND NEXT DOOR NEIGHBOR DID TO ME. BOTH OF THESE MEN WERE OLDER AND I WAS ABUSED FROM THE AGES OF 12-18. 7 YEARS OF MY LIFE LIVING IN FEAR, 7 YEARS OF MY LIFE SLEEPING WITH A NIGHT LIGHT ON, 7 YEARS OF MY LIFE HAVING TROUBLE IN SCHOOL, SUFFERING FROM EATING DISORDERS, GETTING IN FIGHTS OFTEN, CAUSING MAJOR PROBLEMS IN SCHOOL, DRINKING, GETTING KIDS DRUNK.

MY FATHER PASSED AWAY BEFORE I COULD CONFRONT HIM WITH THE TRAUMA I WOULD LIVE WITH FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. I STILL HAVE NIGHTMARES ABOUT HIM COMING INTO MY ROOM, STARRING THROUGH THE PEEP HOLE, ASKING IF HE COULD GET IN BED WITH ME, TRYING TO SEE ME NAKED, FONDLING ME THE LIST GOES ON. THE OTHER DISTURBED SOUL STILL LEARKS AROUND IN A SMALL TOWN IN TEXAS AND I KNOW FOR A FACT HE NOT ONLY TARGETED ME BUT OTHERS! AND I FEEL HAVING A VOICE AND FINALLY STANDING UP FOR MYSELF AND LETTING THE DEMON OUT OF THE BAG, WILL BE THE ONLY WAY FOR ME TO START CLEARING MY MIND… MY ISSUE IS THIS, HE HAS A FAMILY THEY GO TO CHURCH AND IT’S BEEN 15 YEARS. SO JUST HAVING SOMEONE COME OUT OF THE BLUE SAYING THIS TO HIS FAMILY IN FRONT OF HIM MAYBE MY CURE BUT THEIR DISASTER. I DON’T WANT TO BREAK UP A FAMILY AND THIS MAY HAPPEN. THAT IS THE ONLY THING HOLDING ME BACK. FACING IT IS THE ONLY WAY!

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