The day I graduated high school was supposed to be one of the best days of my life, a beginning of a new chapter of my life. And it started with a rape. It was two years ago and I am just telling people now because I cannot hold it in any longer and let it haunt me anymore. I want my voice to be heard. My raspiest was one of my good friends all throughout high school, our relationship never made it past platonic until that night. Class of 2014 just graduated, a majority of us decided to go party and celebrate in the woods because one of the guys knew a good place to have a fire, drink, and camp out. We were drinking and it was one of my first times ever drinking with a group of friends. I was 17 and did not know my limits, my rapist was 18 and had a lot more experiencing drinking than I did. I had too much to drink and was tired. I decided to go to my car and sleep there because everyone else was still wide awake and I was too drunk to drive. My rapist who was a good friend walked me to my car. I remember just saying thanks and goodnight but somehow he thought it was an invite to come in my car with me. I was confused and kept telling him I just wanted to go to sleep but he started kissing me. I told him over and over I was tired but he managed to get all my clothes off and start touching me I kept telling him no and to leave me alone and let me go to sleep but he was not listening. He started making me touch him and eventually went down on me. I was screaming and saying no and he would not stop touching and licking me. He did not stop until I started crying and pushing his head away with all my strength. Once he saw my face and how upset I was he just left. He literally just got out of my car and went back to the party that was deep inside the woods. I was left in my car, alone, naked, drunk, and crying. I didn’t know what just happened. I went to sleep in my car by myself and tried to drink that alcohol aw ay and sleep off what ever just happened with my good high school friend.
Over the past two years I have thought about this every single day. I always thought it was my fault for getting too drunk it was my fault for being vulnerable and letting him do that to me. I have not told anyone because I never thought it was important. But now I know that it is important. It affected me, I used to respect sex and I believed it was only for people who were in love. After my incident I lost all value in sex and myself. I thought it was nothing. But it is something and it is only meant for someone you really care about.
— Survivor, age 19
Dear survivor,
I am so grateful you shared your story and I am so glad you came to the realization that this was important to talk about. Like you said, the silence can eat away with you and haunt you, so breaking your silence is huge! None of this was your fault. Realizing and admitting that what happened to you is important and that it affected your life is a huge step in the healing process. You’ve done that and you are on the right path. You are very brave. Lots of love to you, Alissa