I knew him. I’d known his since middle school. He was my friend. At least, he acted like my friend. Now I know what he wanted.
He left In 8th grade and went to a new high school. I didn’t hear much from him till the summer after 9th or 10th grade. But we reconnected over Facebook. We talked, and he admitted he liked me. He just never could find a good time to ask me out. I was surprised, because there where times on and off in the years where I had liked him. I suggested we hang out.
The day came. My mother dropped me off. It took some convincing for her to let me go.
I wish she had stuck with no. I wish I hadn’t made her changed her mind.
I walked up to his door and knocked. He came right out and invited me in. He asked me if I liked call of duty. “Yes” then he asked if I liked mine craft. “Yes”
And so it seemed like a normal day. Playing video games with a friend. Then out of the blue he asked me out. “I’ll think about it.” I laughed “I did just get out of a relationship with —-.” He seemed upset, but just for a second before he smiled and put his arm around me. It felt weird, like he was trying to over power me.
His phone went off. It was his mom. He said his sister had a game, and said his mom was here to pick us up. So we got in the car. But he kept looking at me and he put his hand on my leg, above my knee. I didn’t like it, but I didn’t say no. I didn’t say no yet.
We got there and sat and watched for awhile. Then he said that there was a pond right down in the woods behind the soft ball field. He asked if I wanted to go check it out. “Sure, sounds fun!”
We went down and found a soft ball. It was old and we started throwing it around. I threw it at a tree and it flew off and I ducked.
Suddenly he was there. He said he wanted to kiss me. So he did. And he just opened my mouth and stuck his tongue so far down my throat it choked me. I didn’t want to be kissed. But I didn’t say no. I didn’t say no yet. Because I wanted to feel liked. —- had left me so broken… I thought if my “friend” kissed me it would be okay.
But then rough bark was on my lower back as my shirt was tugged up and a hand went under my bra. I tried to get away, but I was so shocked I had trouble gaining control of my body. I mumbled “no.” He pretended he didn’t hear. A second later the hand was unbuttoning my pants. This time a louder “no”. He laughed. I knew I couldn’t stop him. He had me pinned.
I looked down and my pants where down. Something was pushing me down on my back, but I was so dazed by the turn of events I didn’t know what. Until I looked up. Up into the eyes of my “friend”. I knew what was coming, I needed it to stop. But I couldn’t stop it. I was frozen there. I couldn’t even get my mouth to open to scream for help. The game watchers were just up the small hill and through a few trees. I screamed in my mind “help! Please! Just look down here!” No one came.
Suddenly I was flipped on my stomach. My legs spread, and I felt a hand smack me on my butt. I closed my eyes. I willed my limbs to move. To get up and run away. But I didn’t move. My body betrayed me.
I felt it then. Something filling me up. The pain. I don’t know why, I was not a virgin. Me and —- were each others firsts. Why did this hurt? A tear slipped down my cheek.
As time went on, it hurt more and more. He was going too fast, too hard. I heard his sex noises. He was enjoying this. He leaned into my back and put his hands down on either side of me. He gave a few more thrusts, and then he fell onto me fully. He was done.
When he got up he threw my pants at me. He smiled and said something. But I did not hear him. I didn’t want to ever again. I just wanted to die there. My channel was pulsing with pain. But he made me get up and grabbed my hand and lead me up the small hill, and out of the trees. It was time to go.
His mom told me to call my mom and say they could meet up so she could get me at an ice cream shop. I was quiet the rest of the trip when I hung up. His mom bought me ice cream. I don’t even know what kind. I just ate it in a daze.
When I finally got home that night, I told myself he only did it because he liked me. And I had told him that I had liked him, didn’t I? It was normal. People do that all the time, have sex. It was only sex, right? But my body hurt….
I messaged him the next day:
“I don’t think this is going to work”
I blocked him.
My period was late. I worked up the courage and told my mom I had sex with him. But I didn’t want to. He forced me. “You are easy. You are almost a slut. You just stopped dating —-, and you have sex with someone else?” I told her I might be pregnant. She laughed. “Fine we will go to the store. But you are paying for the test.”
We got home. I went to the bathroom. It was negative.
I was safe.