LOADING
May 8th, 2019

UNEXPOSED – AFTER 30 YEARS OF EXTREME...

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Molestation 4-13, dissociation syndrome started, afraid 24/7, PTSD 10, black outs began & were triggered by the smell of certain foods or a male authorities voice. Attempted Rape 15, Physical Abuse 16-31, all my ex-boyfriends. Rape 18, also attempted suicide & started dancing because I needed extra money & no...
May 7th, 2019

Too much trauma

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I applaud your mission and vision. Watching Brave Miss World was very cathartic. I had a very tough childhood, enduring physical abuse from a stepfather. When I was 11, I was molested by a male cousin. At 19, I was raped and sodomized by my boyfriend at the time who...
July 1st, 2020

My First Boyfriend

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I started dating this boy when I was 15. He talked about sex a lot but since I was still a virgin it made me really nervous and I wasn’t sure if I was ready. One day after school he came to my house. Both my parents were not home...
April 5th, 2009

Thank you

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Thank you for your voice and for your strength.
June 11th, 2025

Just Words

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Just words. You have trouble talking about these things. You realize you have trouble talking about a lot of things. You remember being excited about your first job at Dairy Queen. One of your friends works there and you know a lot of people work there as a summer job....
June 20th, 2021

Your truth will change someones’ life.

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Brave Miss World is the first time I knew someone understands the gravity and the depth of what sexual violence does to the souls of the victims but their families. The battle to reclaim my soul’s back is the hardest work I will ever face. The internal growth is where...
June 8th, 2023

Unethical or illegal?

1
Last year my partner and I worked for the same business. It was a small business near a small town and it had no management or HR of any sort – only one man owned and ran it, even though it served thousands of people each year. I hit it...
July 10th, 2019

So drunk I can’t remember

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I was turning 18. I was partying like any teen would. I drank a lot. I threw up, sat down. They picked me up and put me in their car. They said “don’t worry we’ll take care of you. You won’t miss the bus”. I remember lying on the bed...
April 30th, 2022

Manipulation

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I was thirteen. I was dating this kid from another school, we had been seeing each other for about five months before the assault had occured. i had always noticed him getting violent with me or getting manipulative when he wanted me to do something i wasnt comfortable but i...
January 20th, 2020

School Bathroom

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I was sexually harassed for a period of two years by a group of eleven boys. The ringleader was stalking me both on and off campus as well as online. One day he followed me into a bathroom and pushed me against a wall when I turned to confront him....
October 15th, 2022

Male dancer

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Hello my Name is Tj. This happen about 4 years ago I was 19 years old at very young age I always tried to see the good in people. I was always happy and felt nothing could break me down went threw cancer as a baby lost my brother and...
May 7th, 2019

Did I ask for this?

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During my childhood-teen years it always seemed like there was a dark cloud hanging over me. One abuser after another, after another. At 12 years old I started experimenting with drugs pretty heavily. It was my way of forgetting reality. I was with my first love for 5 years. He...
October 10th, 2021

Is this normal?

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It all started in Febuary 17th 2020. My first boyfriend. At first he was sweet, he’d walk me to school, compliment me, ask me for consent every time he touhed me. But then the honeymoon phase wore off right after he took my virginity 3 months in. He started belittling...
May 21st, 2019

raped by my own brother

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I was maybe 11 or 12 when i got raped by my brother. He would put me in his room and take off his pants and tell me to touch his penis and I was so scared i did. then he would take off my pants and touck my private...
February 16th, 2020

My first love

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I was 13 and we went to the same high school. I didn’t know him but we both took part in drama. He was a year and a half older and we met at a school trip to a theatre one evening. He was a ‘bad boy’ causing trouble but...
October 12th, 2020

My Husband Repeatedly Raped me

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“When I finally indulge inquisitive listeners with the truth of why my marriage ended, it’s a very mixed response… “Rachel!?” they ask “I thought you two looked really solid! You seemed to get on so well, why did you split up?” “Because my husband decided it was OK to rape...
December 22nd, 2015

Is There Still Hope

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I was 9 or 10 when it happen it’s pretty sad because I don’t remember much. I was at my best friend’s house and we were playing with her brother downstairs in his room. So we ended up sleeping down there and I woke up to him raping me. I...
May 25th, 2019

The Trauma That Made Me

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I was raised in a broken home in a broken home from a pretty young age. Not young enough that it’s all I ever knew, but young enough that visitation schedules were a steady part of my life. I am the oldest of my parent’s 3 children, but my dad...
September 8th, 2021

Raped by ex boyfriend

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This is really hard hard for me because I haven’t really explained this to anyone but here I go. I was raped by a guy I knew when I was 14. I don’t remember much because we drank a lot one day and I only remember getting dropped off home....
June 2nd, 2019

Sexual abuse by brother

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I would sleep in my brothers room when I was 11 /12 and we’d play the xbox alot together and he would wait tell I fell a sleep and he would pull my bottoms down. I would wake with the feeling of wetness on my behind and could feel him...
January 29th, 2021

Raped by my Step Brother

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I have never told anyone about this & now it is coming back to haunt me. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat, I can’t focus. So that is why I am sharing my story on here, maybe to give myself some closure. I was 17 at the time (18 now)...
May 18th, 2021

I Don’t Know My Story

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I don’t know my story.. of all of the pain that I’ve been through.. I couldn’t feel my pain at times.. but what I had to go through to get here.. I’ll never understand my praise.. I don’t try to figure it out.. because my worship my worship is for...
September 22nd, 2020

My mom’s boyfriend assaulted me and my...

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I was assaulted multiple times ! I was assaulted by my mom’s boyfriend when I was 13. My parents got divorced then my mom and her boyfriend found an apartment with just one bedroom so the 3 of us had to sleep together. At night when my mom would fall...
August 17th, 2019

My/our German “Weinstein” Case

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My name is Jany Tempel. I live both in Germany and Thailand. I turned public now, to end the big silence of our country. Almost twenty years ago I had already written a novel about my arduous life. The book wasn’t published back then, mainly because I reported on crimes...
July 18th, 2024

Not normal

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Molested from age 2-14 then raped by adopted father. I ran away stayed in the system till I got married to high school sweetheart.
March 29th, 2015

Rape

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When I was 14 (1 year ago) me and my friends had agreed to go to a party on a Friday night. About a week before the party someone mad an Instagram account and started saying mean things to us like “I’m gonna rape you” and “go die” then the...
March 28th, 2025

My abuse story victim to survivor

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Abused by ex-family friend and started to be put into sex trafficking but i survived
September 22nd, 2020

My mom’s boyfriend assaulted me and my...

1
I was assaulted multiple times ! I was assaulted by my mom’s boyfriend when I was 13. My parents got divorced then my mom and her boyfriend found an apartment with just one bedroom so the 3 of us had to sleep together. At night when my mom would fall...
December 10th, 2019

Raped by stranger x2

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In my 2nd rape when I was 20 yrs old, I went into shock during and after the assault. Afterwards, my body shook for hours, but I tried to act normal in front of people. I felt like I was dreaming – everything and everyone seemed unreal. But, I also...
June 26th, 2020

Was almost raped and no one did...

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When i was 11 me my mom and sister were in a bad situation. we didn’t have anywhere to live because we had lost our house. this was normal for us sadly because my mom is a single disabled mother of 5. while our other siblings had places they went...
March 18th, 2015

The Stepmonster

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I was only eight when it originally started. My stepdad would touch me in my crotch and chest area. He would only do it with my mom at work. He would even do it in front of my little sister, but he never did it in front of his son....
August 5th, 2022

When I was 4

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I was 4 when I started to get raped by my mom’s friend. He normally did it to me when my mom went to the store or to see a friend. It was mostly oral sex. I didn’t tell anyone because he said he would kill my mom but also...
July 14th, 2025

It Started with my Brother

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I was used by my brother who has grown up a lot but I still carry scars. My brother is four years older than me and when I was going from elementary school to Junior high, that summer, he made me think that girls in junior high need to know...
June 27th, 2019

Survivor of child molestation and date rape

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I grew up in a family that was great at keeping secrets. I remembered bits and pieces of a night when my parents had gone out and left my two brothers and I with a male adult. Nothing came about with these brief memories until I was at university and...
August 30th, 2019

My story growing up with a secret

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I’m a black South African, I’m 40 years old now, and my son it 20 years old… loved, taught but I still can never live him alone with my nieces as I was left alone and violeted💔💔😭😭 I have spoken about this, but I hate putting this down in writting😭😭...
May 4th, 2019

To my best friend who raped me

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To my best friend who raped me, I am so torn between feeling love for you and feeling hate for what you have done; what you have taken away from me is irreplaceable. On the first of May, I lost hope for all living things to live and breathe and...
November 27th, 2024

I know when I see a rapist...

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The stalking, gaslighting, victimizing, and of course sexual abuse, were never okay with me. But you just don’t get that because you’re a predator.
September 18th, 2019

Raped in the Air Force

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My first duty stationed 28 years ago, i was sexually assaulted by my first supervisor and violently raped by an officer in my unit. The violence of that raped, ruined me for a long time. Suffer from severe PTSD and after 31 years i am being forced out of the...
February 4th, 2021

Raped at the Air Force Academy

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In 2002 I was appointed to the Air Force Academy Preparatory School in Colorado Springs, CO. The prep school was a sort of booster school for people who wanted to be at the Academy but fell short of their appointment. It could have been due to grades, SAT/ACT scores, athletics,...
July 19th, 2021

Child sexual abuse

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My child’s father has been sexually abusing her since she was 3 months old.
April 21st, 2021

A respectable collegue

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The next day I walked down the stairs to the hotel, aware that he was sitting at the table having breakfast. Some things you think would never happen to you, you think that working externally with a colleague (married and with children) is not dangerous. But then in a moment...
May 8th, 2019

Spoke out and was blamed

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I am the only girl at a job of 4 men. I am also 20 while these men are 40+. One worker would grab me from behind when I would walk in the back to the bathroom. This would happen often. One day all my coworkers had to go outside...
April 28th, 2021

Around 9 PM

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It was around 9 PM I was walking home from baseball practice on the side walk (Next to the woods), the way how I normally walked home, when a medium sized rock hit me in the head. I fell to the ground. And then I felt someone dragging me into...
February 8th, 2021

Sexually abused by my step brothers

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I have lesbian parents. My mum and dad were never together and me and my mum lived alone until I was 3, she met a lady, who is now my step mum, and they got engaged and we moved in when I was 6. She had 2 sons, one aged...
November 15th, 2020

J’avais 13 ans

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J’avais 13 ans j’étais allé avec mon amie chez un gars pour la soirée ils étaient trois gars et c’etait la première fois que je buvais de l’alcool et ce gars qui s’appelle pascal m’a agressé. Je ne l’ai dis a personne et j’ai fait comme si rien ne s’était...
July 28th, 2019

Woke up violated and confused.

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It was April 26th, 2018 and I decided to get a drink with the man I worked for (32 y/o). I knew he had a rough past with his ex / baby mama from stories he would tell me while venting to me. Other than some odd things he would...
July 27th, 2021

Stolen innocence

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So I was with my friend I thought I could trust and one day she asked me if she wanted to go meet her boyfriend (which I did not know was 20yrs old) and smoke and I wanted to get high so I said yeah then my friend told me...
August 4th, 2024

April 19th

2
When I was in 9th grade I was invited to a party by one of my friends. I had fallen into a bad crowd. Kids that used drugs and drank, violent people, people who were arrested, vandals, stuff like that. I was incredibly depressed at that point and I didn’t...
August 29th, 2020

Why you should talk to your daughters...

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At 16 I began dating my first serious boyfriend. I kept it a secret from my mom since she made it feel like I couldn’t talk to her about anything, love, sex, school, nothing. I had recently turned 16 and he was 17 at the time. We went to the...
February 8th, 2021

Sexually abused by my step brothers

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I have lesbian parents. My mum and dad were never together and me and my mum lived alone until I was 3, she met a lady, who is now my step mum, and they got engaged and we moved in when I was 6. She had 2 sons, one aged...
January 2nd, 2024

This could never happen to me

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I remember when I was little like 9 or 10 I use to watch law and order svu with my grandma my fathers mom and I watched it because I was so grateful to have the family I had although I did not have a mom I was still happy...
December 26th, 2019

Ms.

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I was raped by a co-worker when I was in my mid-20’s. We were at a work function, we were all drinking, then about 10 of us went to his place to continue the party. He grabbed me on my way out of the washroom and dragged me into his...
December 5th, 2020

Summer 2019

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I got my first job working at a lovely Mediterranean restaurant/cafe one summer because my teacher said she knew the man who ran the place and put in a reference for me. I was 15. He was in his 60s. Two days after I started, the groping began. Only he...
August 17th, 2019

My/our German “Weinstein” Case

6
My name is Jany Tempel. I live both in Germany and Thailand. I turned public now, to end the big silence of our country. Almost twenty years ago I had already written a novel about my arduous life. The book wasn’t published back then, mainly because I reported on crimes...
May 6th, 2022

My Ongoing Journey

2
When I finally decided to switch my major to psychology and now pursue my career as a therapist, I got a lot of questions. Things like, why do you want to be a therapist? I got this from family, friends, and even strangers back in the time I served tables....
October 15th, 2020

Wide awake

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I was 7 when I met him, he was my sisters softball coach. After a while I started to enjoy softball too so decided to join. Then he started to invite me over with him daughter my age, at first we only hung out for like a hour. Then his...
August 14th, 2025

Gang raped foolishly

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My life changed so quickly the night I was raped, like Linor. My boyfriend warned me his family was old fashioned and tried to prevent me from meeting them. I thought he was ashamed of being poor. I insisted. I loved him and thought he was the one even though...
June 18th, 2025

Glitter Girl, Gone.

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HE picked me up the first day in the shiniest white Toyota I’d ever seen. Hallucinating halos of light around him, I knew in my heart: this was the man I would marry. Almost 15 years older, but so handsome, so experienced. We seemed to have everything in common—intellectual passions...
June 29th, 2020

Red Flags

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I texted her. The girl he is currently seeing. I reached out to her as soon as I found out they were together. I told her that he was in fact a predator and told her to be careful. I didn’t need to text her, but I did. It was...
December 18th, 2020

Running

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March 7th 2019. Thursday evening. It was a week and a half before purim. I was 18. Five more days and there’s the Hachtarah, the biggest show of the seniors, and I was the main actress. Thursday evening. Only my father at home. I’m going out for a run. I...
June 24th, 2020

Too naïve

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I was 16. I had my first job, a lifeguard. I was so excited. I have been a swimmer since I was 5 so this was a very fitting job for me. I was the youngest person working there by far. Most of the kids were in college and one...
October 9th, 2020

There are a lot of assholes on...

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I downloaded tinder to experience dating, I never dated before, always had long term relationships with guys I knew for a longer period of time and friendships turned into relationships. This time i wanted to experience the whole dating part. Meeting a stranger, getting to know them and see where...
December 2nd, 2022

Sexual Coercion

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I was sexually coerced this semester at college. It was one of my longtime friends. I thought I could trust him but I was wrong. He and I talked about hanging out and so we did. We talked for a while, was physical and was at first consensual. Then he...
April 27th, 2019

Everyone Else Likes You, Too

2
I had never been to a bar before. Sure, I’d gone out to Applebees with other coworkers where they’d serve me drinks. But I was 19, and had to drive home. I had never been drunk before, and didn’t push my limits. I went to the bar to see him...
January 11th, 2016

Dad and Uncle Raped Me

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I was 12 years old. Christmas Eve 1995 when I was home with my dad and his brother who my uncle. They were drinking, I was in my room sleeping when my uncle came in and took my pants off. He was kissing and touching me. He said he wanted...
October 12th, 2023

Workplace Sexual Harassment

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As I write this story to you, please note that this sexual harassment case is still in progress. It began in December of 2022 when I worked as a contractor for a company named TEKsystems. I do IT work for Nutrien Ag Solutions. The first week I was there, I...
December 11th, 2020

Letter to…

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To all the boys who watched porn and grew up thinking that’s how women deserve to be treated To the parents, teachers, adults who should know better, who never taught us about consent or that women are equal partners in sex To the society that made me feel like sex...
December 20th, 2019

To the men who hurt me

2
Things can change all in an instant and you will never know until it is too late. I’m 22 now and I will try to keep this short and sweet. At 5-6 it all began with someone 4 years older than me showing me his privates. Within the next few...
June 8th, 2023

Unethical or illegal?

1
Last year my partner and I worked for the same business. It was a small business near a small town and it had no management or HR of any sort – only one man owned and ran it, even though it served thousands of people each year. I hit it...
July 7th, 2019

@ years of rape and being drugged

2
I was repeatedly raped by someone I will call D.C. He was my 2nd boyfriend at the time who lied to me about his age. He was in his 20s I was 16. Within the 1st year the so called relationship became something vicious like a nightmare that I could...
November 23rd, 2014

Still Unable to Tell People

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What I remember from that night is feeling flattered that someone older was paying attention. I was underage in a bar. I don’t remember much after that except three men carrying me into a motel room, all at least ten years older. One was the owner of the bar, who...
May 3rd, 2019

Nearly 50 years later

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In an odd way, I am a “victim” of sexual abuse, even though I have never met the abuser. Her is my father, but he is also either my grandfather or my uncle. I was adopted as an infant, and my mom and dad always told me I was adopted....
March 17th, 2023

Indigo

I returned to fine art in 1990 when I took at class in indigo dyeing at San Francisco State University. I was lucky that the instructor, Yoshiko Wada, and another student from her class, were in the East Bay so that we could carpool together. We would talk textiles on our weekly journey across the Bay Bridge to the Campus. The other student was an accomplished Quilter named Linda MacDonald. Linda lived in Willits near the famous Mendocino Art Center, but traveled to Berkeley to attend this class once a week. The Indigo vat was made in a 32-gallon garbage can and had to be kept covered between dyeing sessions. Indigo is a unique rich blue dye that develops with an oxidization process when exposed to air. Dipping the fabric several times, and allowing the natural fiber to oxidize before dipping it again, creates darker shades of blue. The dye in the vat is created from a mixture of indigo pigment, various chemicals and a reducing agent to remove oxygen from the dye. It is a rich green color while in the vat, which shows up on the fabric before it is fully exposed to the air. The smell emitted from the dye is unusual, a musky odor in my mind. I like to think that it smells like the color blue. The vat needs to be carefully stirred and maintained between dyeing sessions. There is a “bloom” on the top of the vat created by oxidized indigo, making a bubbly and shiny ball of material reminiscent of a flower. The “bloom” gets moved to the side before entry of the pre-wetted fabric. The process reminds me of baking bread or making yogurt where the steps need to be carefully followed to achieve the desired results. In the process of bread and yogurt making, there are living cultures involved in order to create the product, and with the creation and dyeing process of indigo, it has that same feeling of being alive. In order to create interesting patterns, my classmates and I would use resist techniques on the fabric like pastes, stitching and clamping. Simple household items like clothespins could be used to create patterns by folding and then placing the pins at intervals along the fold lines. Beautiful and surprising results were achieved using these methods. Image of Indigo dye on fabric during the oxidization process. My dream of being a professional artist, all started in early childhood, and the first memories of my creations go back to Nursery School. I loved playing with all kinds of materials, like paint, clay, and crayons, just to name a few examples. Mel (Melanie), painting at Jack and Jill Nursery School, Walnut Creek, California, 1960. In 1974, a neighbor in Marin where I was living at the time and studying art at College of Marin told me about an Art School in Mexico. I ended up sending off slides of my work with an application to the Instituto Allende, and was delighted to hear that I was accepted. I began my journey to study there in San Miguel de Allende by flying to Mexico City in January of 1975. A bus ride completed that journey. When I first arrived, I moved in with a family who had two small children, including a newborn. It seemed like a safe living situation for a 19-year-old woman, but that shortly proved to not be true when the husband started coming on to me. I ended up finding my own place on the other side of town. It was a spacious abode with a wall that was shared with a weaving factory next door. There were 2 adjoined bedrooms, a bathroom, a large living/kitchen area and a small concrete patio out the back door. There was no hot water, refrigerator or a telephone. When I needed hot water for dishes, I would boil some on the stove. For showers, I had to build a fire in a box below a water tank outside to get hot water. I felt much more secure living there and walking a further distance to the Instituto on the other side of town than living with the husband who had made me feel so unsafe. There was the Central Plaza, which was called the “Jardin” that was in the middle of town, and I would pass through it on my walk quite frequently. This was the site of fireworks and festivals, like the celebration of Cinco de Mayo. The streets were cobblestone and many charming shops and galleries were located downtown. The School itself was on a beautiful campus with large ornate doors in front that were closed when school was not in session. Photo of the closed front doors of the Instituto Allende I had heard about you and what you had done to other women before you appeared in my main living space one sunny spring afternoon pointing a gun at me. You had a bandana wrapped around your face and tied behind your head. I had heard you first, in the bathroom. Dressed in a long polyester dress with colorful psychedelic patterns. I wasn’t wearing any underwear or shoes. I walked through the 2 bedrooms and turned left when I saw you standing there. I screamed and shouted, “help me,” thinking that workers at the Weaving Factory would hear me and come rescue me. Nobody came. You said to me “Coyote” which I later learned meant to be quiet or to shut up. You grabbed my shoulders and dragged me out the unlocked back door onto the concrete patio. The tops of my feet got scraped. I gave up. I knew you were going to rape me. I just wanted you to finish as quickly as possible. You took off your belt and put down your gun. Somehow I managed to pick up your gun and threw it over the wall embedded with glass on the top, into the alleyway. The same wall you had climbed over to get into my place through the unlocked back door. Towards the end of this ordeal, I heard a knock on my door. You left, climbing back over the wall. I answered the door. My friend Rhonda had come by to visit me. I told her what had happened and we walked to the Police Station nearby. I had your belt with me. The one you left behind. I went to the front counter, telling the officers behind the counter what had happened to me. They were laughing and playing cards at the time. I showed them your belt. They told me to bring you in if I saw you again. I left with Rhonda and took a bath at the where place she lived. We didn’t talk about what happened. We moved in together shortly after that. I sent a telegram to my father and stepmother about what had happened to me. Nobody came to help me. Rhonda helped me when I got hepatitis A and could no longer go to school. I was on my own when it came to figuring out how to return to the Bay Area. I moved in with my father and stepmother. They didn’t talk to me about what happened to me. They sent me to a doctor who diagnosed me with type 1 diabetes. He showed me how to give myself insulin injections. He told me to practice by injecting oranges with empty syringes. My mother told me years later that “You were never the same again” after what you did to me. I survived. I gave up art for 15 years before realizing that I wanted to go back to art school. In those years, I became so disturbed that I had panic attacks, deep depression and needed to move in with my mother at age 30. I started therapy after becoming self destructive in my 20’s. Depression also called “the blues” has been my long time companion. It has taken me a lifetime to heal. My iPhone predicts the words, depression, PTSD and C-PTSD for my text messages. After my Indigo dyeing class at San Francisco State, I enrolled in the Textiles Fine Art program at California College of Arts and Crafts (now known as California College of the Arts) in Oakland. I was married at the time and had become pregnant with our daughter Emily right before classes started in September. Emily was born on May 13, 1991. By the Fall of 1992, I was a single mom and an art student. An inheritance from my mother who died in 1995, allowed me to graduate and to buy my first home. I continued to work with indigo dyeing and created a large textile piece about my experience in Mexico. After many years of therapy and other healing modalities, I recently started painting on canvas. Part of that process has been a Soul Retrieval session to bring back my 4 year old self who loved to paint. I am feeling uplifted and encouraged after many years of recurring periods of severe emotional pain. Stay tuned for more details about my new work. One of my final pieces was a textile called “Out of the Blues.”
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I returned to fine art in 1990 when I took at class in indigo dyeing at San Francisco State University. I was lucky that the instructor, Yoshiko Wada, and another student from her class, were in the East Bay so that we could carpool together. We would talk textiles on...
April 1st, 2021

Sex doll

1
After work one night I was drugged by a co-worker. I woke up in his bed naked. He was not in the room. I felt 2 emotions very heavily and immediately. Shame and wrong. I remember looking around for my clothes in a panic. I don’t remember how I got...
July 24th, 2019

LOST

3
When I was 5 years old, I was sexually assaulted by many men. The next day I tried to kill myself. At the age of 10, I was raped and again tried to end it by ending my life. I also am a survivor of FASD and there for not...
March 15th, 2024

I’m a Survivor because I am a...

0
My ex husband wanted to get rid of me and my family because he had a new girlfriend so he started bringing the Neighbors in to rape me and his girlfriends to cut my hair and burn me nothing has been done I went to a woman and children’s battered...
October 7th, 2019

Drugged

4
..I had gone to a concert with some friends at a smaller venue. One of my friends knew one of the guys in the band so we were kind of hanging out with the band, etc. They invited us up to the bus. I remember the tour manager handing me...
September 23rd, 2020

my teacher grabbed me

1
in school i had a teacher reach down my shirt and up my skirt to grab my behind. I’ve had this happen with the same teacher 3 times so my parents removed me from the school and i started a new one where i have lots of mental health support...