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The Monster With The Pretty Smile

I was in grade nine when I lost something that can never be returned.

I just want to make it clear that I do not want anyone’s pity, or empathy. I don’t want people to say “that poor girl how could someone do something like that to her?” What’s done is done.

I’m now 17 years old.

Grade nine was supposed to be a fresh start for me. I moved to a small town with my mother and brother. Everything was going good. I had many friends and I even found a boyfriend. He was kind and caring. He always put me first. He was also a quarterback on the high school’s football team. For once in my life I thought everything was falling into place.

We had been dating for about a month. During that month I noticed that he started to change. He got really demanding and he hit me. He always threatened me and made me feel like I was never good enough; like he was doing me a favor by staying with me. I felt alone and helpless. I didn’t know what to do.

He got into drugs and he tried to force me to use drugs; I’m proud to say that I never did drugs no matter how cruel he got. He started to get his friends to try and force me to do drugs as well.

To hide the pain of everything that was happening I turned to parties and alcohol. That was my only escape, or so I thought because I never thought that my family would help me. I was terrified that if I told anyone what was happening I would be murdered.

Throughout our whole relationship he had been trying to get me to have sex with him. I kept saying no. I said it over and over; he listened. But to get back at me he cheated on me and I caught him. After a month of this relationship I finally found the courage to break up with him. I was told that I would pay for breaking up with him.

Two days after the break up I was invited to a party and I went. I always go because as mentioned before that was my way to escape everything. I didn’t know that he was going to be there. Well my “friends” got me drunk and helped him. He took me to a room and he raped me. I was screaming and begging for someone to help me and for him to stop. No one helped me and he just laughed. Eventually my little brother found me and ripped him off of me. It was too late but my 12 year old brother saved me because no one else would help me.

I shut everyone out. I blamed myself for what happened. I told myself and I still do tell me that if I didn’t drink I would not have been so helpless. I could have helped myself. Maybe it would not have happened if I hadn’t drank anything.

This all happened about 3 years ago. I still have not trusted anyone enough to get in a relationship with them; and I guess I still don’t really trust people in general. 3 years is a long time and slowly I’ve gotten better. I’ve started to find the positives in life and because of this my life is brighter, I’m happier. My best friend of 5 years has helped me through a lot of this. He never left my side even when everyone else walked away.

Like I said at the start I don’t want anyone’s pity, I wanted to share my story to show that there is still hope. That something beautiful can come out of it. This one action or event makes you stronger and you should never give up on your happiness.

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