I was foolish…my very close “friend” raped me with his friends it destroyed me.
At that time i was 17 and he was 19 , we where friends ever since our childhood and we were neighbors-he betrayed my trust he betrayed our friendship.
My mom made it clear on that day that i wasn’t allowed to go out and i must stay home with my brothers. I however didn’t obey her ,and i wish i did … I do regret not listening to her. I simply called my “friend” and i jumped out the window and placed some pillows on my bed so that if anyone checks in they’d think it was me.
And i went inside the car , where he introduced me to his other friend who was sitting on the passenger seat and i was at the back. I was told that we will go to a restaurant to meet the rest of our friends. But my stomach felt uneasy and i knew something was wrong but i just went with the flow being more aware of my surroundings. And we picked up another guy. They were all older than me i felt like a child and that i really need to leave.
But i didn’t and the ride took a longggg time and i had to ask about that. And that is when they all started giving each other looks and the guy next to me held my neck and forcefully kissed my lips i was confused,shocked,and scared i kept pushing him off but i just couldn’t. He just wouldn’t get off me. And when he did he went out of the car and i was just looking around trying to know where i am while rubbing off my mouth from his taste as i was repeating…”my first kiss…my first kiss” he took that away… There was no one around and he told me so. He said you can scream , run, or do anything but no one will hear you. And he was right. The next hours where all torture they are the worst moments of my life. Pain. Pain is all i felt. I would faint and wakeup ,faint and wakeup. And every time I open my eyes it is a nee guy on top of me at the back of the car. I could hear high fives, laughs, belts opening,zips opening and closing. I wanted to die. I had no dignity. They took everything. They held me down and i just couldn’t stop them. They looked me in the eye. They punched,slapped and kicked me. Until the pain took me to sleep. And then they just left simply. They left. As if they did nothing. And they threw me on that street.
— Estelle Lazirsi, age 19
i just wish God would strike dead all rapists..they take away our life and they should pay with their life…am a rape survivor too..was raped in a car by an acquitance..i have tried to arrest him but failed..he tells people i gave in when he knows he threatened me with a knife..i just trust God to punish him..u are not alone dear..
Dearest Estelle,
I am so proud of you for sharing your story so openly and vulnerably. There are no words I can offer to express how sorry I am that you had to endure such pain, suffering, and betrayal. You have experienced the unthinkable and you are writing about it in a way that takes some people a lifetime to do. I hope you can see that you despite what happened to you, you stand with dignity and grace. You are worthy of love and happiness, support and friendship, understanding and solidarity. Healing can take a long time and I hope that in time you can look back and see how far you’ve come on that healing journey. I am grateful to have read your story and to have come across, if only for a few moments, a young person who is a gift to the world – even if she feels destroyed by it. I am sending you all the love I have in my heart and I stand with you. Please know that in the darkest moments that there is someone, somewhere in the world who is keeping you close in their thoughts and in their heart. With love and solidarity, Alissa