Two times i have been assaulted .
One time by someone i didnt knew and one time by someone who i thought he liked me.
Was 14 when a stranger molested me. I lost myself completely I was afraid of every man But on the other hand i wanted their attention so bad .
Later i realized that i was
subconsciously trying to overcome my fear . I hated my body an all my relationships fell apart .
It cant be true right ? It was in my mind . I am overreacting . Years of denial till it happend again .
Was 17 when a boy asked to date me . I said no . He said he respected that .One day he was seating behing me and he went to get up Doing that he actually pushed his knee into my anus I was in pain .
I was devasted because i let it happen again .Why ? Why me ? Whe me again ? What was that ? Was it assault ? Was it nothing ?
For one more time I lost respect for myself and all the men in the world .
Now 19 and everytime someone touches me near that area even by accident I cant breathe .Wa it an accident or not ? I make bad thoughts and i am disguisted .I feel like its happening all over again .I am dirty .I am afraid that its going to happen to someone that i love . I cant move on .
Sometimes I feel so confident that yes what happened to me is real and its important and i have the right to feel like this and other times when i read stories worst that mine i feel like a dramatic little girl and i dont have the right to be sad . Nothing really happened to me Right ?