I was walking home, and a group of a girl and 3 guys started making fun of my cloak/coat. I tried to walk away, but they chased me. They chased me into an abandoned building.
They knocked me down, and the girl put her knee in my throat, and held my hands. I then felt my underwear being removed.
I was raped by each of the boys, while the girl laughed in my face.
I told a couple of close friends, who advised to laugh it off as “only a F___”, but I increasingly found I couldn’t.
I discovered by home test that they got me pregnant. I went for options counseling.
After another night waking to strong nightmares, I decided on suicide.
I awoke in the hospital, and had miscarried. It was eventually determined that my problems were behind me, and I was released.
Still unable to escape my own mind, even with drink and drugs, and unable to maintain a steady relationship, I attempted again.
The assault was a one time thing, but the nightmares were in the hundreds of nights.
I use prescription medications to control it, and drink even though I’m not supposed to. I can only guess that coping is a personal trip.
Thanks for listening BMW people.
— Kaye, age 27
Kaye, my heart goes out to you. Words alone cannot take away the pain of what happened to you. Please talk to someone professional. It is going to take time to try to heal.Your friends are not right,what happened to you is a crime, literally a nightmare. One of the worst things that can happen to a person is being attacked that way by a crowd. Talk to a counselor or therapist and please don’t do anything to hurt yourself. You are such a good person, you did not deserve this to happen to you, and of course I think you know it was not your fault. Please every night you go to sleep be aware that you have many people here that care and wish for you to get the sleep you need and deserve. We care about you here. Please write back anytime and we will be here to listen.
Dear Kaye – thank you so much for posting your story here. What happened to you was NOT YOUR FAULT and what your friends advised – to laugh it off – is really not something that you can do after something like that. Yes, as you said, it was a one time event but that doesn’t mean that you can just leave it behind. I so wish it was that easy. It sounds to me like you would really benefit from a therapist. They can help you work through other ways to cope than drinking and prescription meds (I’m NOT judging you. Please know that). A therapist can also help you work through any times you feel like hurting yourself. What you’ve been through is a lot and can be really overwhelming but there are ways to heal and to cope. It’s not easy and it takes a lot of work, but I believe in you and I know you can do it and you deserve it. Love, Alexis