Bachelorette parties are for misbehaving, and I went to my friend’s and misbehaved, but only so bad. I got very drunk, and couldn’t drive, and it was rainy, turning to thunderstorms, so when it came time to go home, my fiancé was still at work, so I called a friend to drive me home.
We got caught in the rain, and a bit wet before getting in, and I thanked him for that I would have gotten absolutely soaked getting home. As it was, I had an almost see-through blouse as it was. He looked at me king of hungry and offered to help me out of the wet things.
Then he was on top of me, and we were having sex on the living room floor. I didn’t want it, and was faithful, until then, but once he started, I didn’t have a way to get him to stop.
When he was finished, he was embarrassed at doing it, and he excused himself to leave. I just had to shower and go to bed, to clean and forget.
I had off, and my fiancé had business the next day, so we didn’t see each other, and I was hungover, so it was better that way. I had a double to make up for the days off, so I was out. I had to go on a convention trip to sell a new product preorder, so I went away after that for a week.
I came home, and the apartment was empty, except my clothes in boxes, and a couple of pictures. Not great photography, but I could recognize that he came home in the middle of my, until now, private issue.
Rent unpaid, and the bank empty, I had no choice but to beg a couch. I tried to reconcile, but he was so upset, I asked for time to talk with cool heads. I lost 1 job, and couldn’t get many commissions at the other, and I owed everyone.
Our friend would take me in long term, with benefits, so I refused. After a few address changes, every few days, I needed to offer it to stay off the streets. I hocked my ring for food money, a week before he sued for return.
Since then, sex has been spread legs and say go ahead. I even went back to my ex to offer sex for negotiation. He dropped his suit, and me together. I tried to jump from a bridge, but half way to the middle, I sprained my ankle, so a friend drove me home.
I’m still have not found that good place for recovery as yet.
— Amanda, age 34
Dear Amanda – thank you so much for posting your story here. First I want to say that what happened to you was NOT your fault and you were not unfaithful to your fiance. I’m really grateful that you didn’t jump from a bridge because I really do believe you can heal. It’s a lot of work and it can be really hard – but I know you can do it. I would really strongly encourage you to find a therapist who can help you work through how you’re feeling about sex and everything else you’re feeling. They can help you find strategies for focusing at work and – eventually – having a healthy relationship if that’s something you want. If you have friends of family members you feel you can talk to, it might be really helpful. You don’t have to tell everything at once, but sharing some of the load can make things just a little easier to navigate and help you carry less weight. Sending you lots of love, Alexis