It was my friends 21st birthday and we all went out as a big group together and were staying in a hotel. I was drunk but knew what I was doing and when we went back to the hotel the girl I was sharing with had a guy with her so I couldn’t sleep in there. She told me to sleep in the room with this other guy and that she’s done it before and he didn’t try anything or touch her and I trusted him as he’s a good friend. I fell asleep straight away but was woken up maybe an hour later to him touching and rubbing me, I was shocked and felt uncomfortable so pretended to still be asleep hoping he would stop but it didn’t so I moved and tried to pull myself away but instead he took this as she’s awake and now I can make my move. He pulled me over and took my leggings off and I said I was too tired and wanted to sleep but he was having none of it and said ‘same’. I felt so awkward and uncomfortable thinking I could trust him but didn’t know how I could physically get him off of me. He started to have sex with me whilst I just lay there and after a while I decided enough is enough so got up and asked where my leggings were and put them back on and said i needed the toilet. Spent 5 minutes crying in the toilet came back out and tried to go back to sleep. He started trying to do it all over again and I said I’m sleeping, he pulled my leggings down again but this time when he tried to have sex with me he wasn’t able to as my body seemed to just close up. Luckily he finally gave up and I went to sleep but when I woke up in the morning he was touching me again, I was so upset and realized what had happened during the night that I had to leave and said I needed to phone my mum. I don’t even know if this counts as sexual assault as I let him but felt like I tried to say no and stop it. Just got to the point where I thought he isn’t going to stop so should just let it happen so it 9;s over quicker. I feel so guilty and disgusting with myself now.
— Survivor, age 20