Trying To Be Better

I’m literally watching “Brave Miss World” right now and I find it really inspiring. Here’s my story: I was molested when I was 5 years old by a 14 year old, friend of my brother. It took me a long time to realize that it was not my fault. He told me that we were boyfriend and girlfriend and that’s just what boyfriend’s and girlfriend’s do. What furthered this was that he said that in front of my Mother and he held my hand in front of her as well but she didn’t do anything. He tried to have sex with me but I was too small down there (if you know what I mean) so I did oral. I didn’t even know what we were doing. I don’t remember the act very clearly, for which I’m thankful. I still feel disgusting when I think about it. I told my brother about it when I was about 17 and, shortly after, he committed suicide. I don’t think his committing suicide had anything to do with what I told him because he already had a lot of personal problems. I told my Mom a couple of years ago and she said she had no idea. I asked her about when he would say that we were boyfriend and girlfriend and hold my hand in front of her and she said she thought he was joking. I still feel that she might have known. It didn’t seem like a big deal to her though. I think that it had to do with the fact that she was also raped as a child. About a year ago, the guy who molested me friend requested me on Facebook. I talked to my sister about it and she pretty much said that I should accept his friend request. I sent him a message that I never wanted to speak to him at all. I can’t remember all of it. My husband knows about what happened to me. I don’t want to share his story but he also had something similar occur. He’s very understanding. I used to be very reserved sexually with him but now I’m more comfortable. He’s always been very sweet and patient about it and for that I will be eternally grateful.

— Autumn, age 24