Under Age drinking

I was 14. Id just left school due to bullying and I wasn’t getting an education. I had only one friend. She was popular and had been invited to a Halloween party where people would be drinking. I went along with her. We go ready at her cousins house who brought us alcohol, I wore a red dress, it was only just above my knee.. just a nice dress. I didn’t know anyone at the party but we got so drunk so quickly and I didn’t care. It was only around 10 o’clock we were asked to leave and me and my friend were falling over everywhere laughing when a bunch of guys were walking through the estate only just outside of the party. They were younger but we were drunk … I was kissing one guy and the next thing I knew an older guy who I only knew of, pulled my arm and told the guy I was kissing to follow. By this point I was afraid. My friend was no where, I couldn’t see her and all I was worried about was whether she was okay .. but the older guy told me we were going to look for her. I insisted we needed to look for her repeatedly and he repeatedly told me we were looking for her getting more stern. We went through a gate up some concrete stairs and over a year later it has never come to me where we were. I remember seeing a door but this place had no windows it was open like a car park only .. just one door. the older guy pushed me on the stairs and told me to take off my underwear to which I didn’t. He ragged them off me and then lay on me .. the younger guy just sat behind me not knowing what to do. I remember them talking… ‘ is this your first time’ ‘ now you become a man.’ I don’t remember much. I was knocked out and the next thing the younger guy was telling me to shush and that ‘ it feels so good. ‘ I panicked and told him to get off. He told me to wait, but then he backed off and I fell down the stairs on top of him and started crying. He comforted me as if he cared but I could tell he was panicking and told me to get my underwear on. He carried me down the stairs and I told him to leave me alone to which he just ran. This had all happened before 11pm to which I told my mum to call me,. She knew something was wrong I was in tears and I was alone my friend was still gone so I just sat outside the party. I don’t remember 100 percent what happened after that but people were coming outside and I gave my phone to a girl to talk to my mum and then my sister. The next thing I know my sister’s boyfriend had picked me up on his motorbike and took me home to my sister. Nobody knew about what had happened until I told my mum the next day… I have to go to court very soon. It’s been a long 15 months and I want it to be over with and for it to stop ruining my life!

— Survivor, age 15