I was at a party about 2 months ago and I had had way too much to drink. But there was a boy who was fairly attractive and I agreed to hook up with him. We went to the back of the garden and were kissing behind a shed (not my proudest moment). But what has been bugging me all this time is that I can’t remember a lot of what happened. I keep trying to replay what happened but a lot I have forgotten. I remember being on the ground and he had his dick out, and I remember him forcing me to give him head. I also remember lying down and I think he slept with me but I don’t remember consenting. I have lots of mutual friends with him and he has recently been accused by another girl for sexual assault. I have told my friends and they think I should tell someone because he was very sober and I was so drunk, but I don’t know! I would hate to falsely accuse someone but I can’t get it out my head, and I have to keep googling and searching on YouTube for help about was my story rape.
— Survivor, age 20
Dear survivor,
The most important thing that matters is what you believe occurred. I can tell you, however, that the basic definition of rape is penetration without consent. According to the United States FBI, force is not necessary. If you could not consent because you were too drunk and you don’t remember a lot of what happened, then you really could not consent. It is very common for survivors to minimize what happened to them or to be in disbelief. Try to move through this at a pace that is comfortable to you. It takes a lot of courage to confront this and I admire you for that. Light and love to you, Alissa