It always seemed like a joke to me, rape. Having a lot of guys as friends I felt so close to guys and felt I could trust then more, until one came along he was like a brother to me but he always told me he loved me and I didn’t feel the same but I felt I had to say it back, had to please him all the time. I had heard stories about how he could be violent but I had never seen that side of him luckily.
One day he came round mine he was like a family member my mum was always offering to take him in as he had a lot of problems at home. But one time he was just on top of me because I could say anything he tried to unzip my onesie and I grabbed his hand but he just shoved it away, I wondered what was happening to me but I just froze and even today it is a blur and I still can’t stand to hear the r word but I am so confused I never said no but I just lay there at the end and didn’t move I felt different like I wasn’t me anymore. I still see him around and my friends worship him I constantly blame myself and have no idea if it was or wasn’t.