A bunch of my friends decided to rent a lake house for prom weekend. Of course our parents didn’t feel right for a bunch of drunk teenagers to be partying my themselves so they came but would be sleeping in the house next door. I was drinking yes I already know I’m underage and shouldn’t have been but it was prom weekend and I wanted to have fun. Anyways me and this dude who were sort of talking ended up making out and it even went further. After we were finished I went back to sleep and he left the room I don’t know how long I was asleep for but I woke up to someone kissing me after I wake up and realize it was not the dude I was talking to I jerk back and tell this dude to leave the room he refuses and lats down in the bed I kept telling him to leave and get out but he started undoing my pants and his pants when I stopped him he got angry and told me he wasn’t going to leave until I did something for him I was scared and didn’t know what to do so I gave him a blow job like he asked but I kept asking him to just leave and let me go but he wouldn’t. Now I don’t know if I was even raped.
— Survivor, age 19
Dear survivor,
Only you get to decide what to call the experience, but I can tell you that the U.S. FBI defines rape as penetration without consent. That means penetration of any part of your body. The definition also says nothing about force. So this means that if someone coerces you or if you did something because you felt scared, that you did not consent. I hope this helps you and offers you some clarity. You are in control of what to call it, who to tell, and what to do with it. If I can be of any help to you, just reply back to my comment. I am really glad that you posted your story. You are very brave.
Thank you… I’ve spent a lot of time thinking about it and of course there is way more to the story. I am still just so confused
I think it is perfectly normal to still feel confused. It is a confusing and frustrating thing to wrap your mind around trauma. I’m keeping you close in my thoughts as you work through this.