What now…?

Even as I write this I’m not sure what to do. Last spring I think I was sexually assaulted by my boyfriend of almost three years… We came back to my apartment after a party (he was sober and I was drunk), and went to bed pretty soon after that. I woke up around 4 or 5 in the morning to him slowly picking up my arm and dropping it… seeing if I was asleep. I was in that half awake half asleep sort of state so I ignored him figuring he would just knock it off and go back to bed. After a little bit he stopped what he was doing and I figured he’d just roll over and go back to sleep. But then I felt something against my upper thigh, slowly pushing up my pajama shorts that I was wearing. It took me a moment to realize what was happening and then I sprung awake and asked what the Hell he was doing. He seemed extremely shocked, probably because he had checked to make sure I was asleep… The rest of the night I slept above the covers. I didn’t really know what to do so I confided in what I thought was a close friend… but she told me that was normal and that I was overreacting. But I don’t think I was overreacting… what if I hadn’t of woken up, how far would he have gone? I’m a notoriously heavy sleeper, so was this the first time he’s done this? If not how many times and how far did it go then?… Does this even count as a sexual assault? I honestly don’t know… I broke up with him about 2 months afterwards. I just didn’t feel safe anymore, about a year before this I had found a hidden camera of his and knew I should have ended it then. I see him almost everyday now and it kills me… partially because of all the things he did and partially because I miss him. I know I shouldn’t but I’m so scared that I’ll go back to him… I saw him recently with another girl and I don’t know if I should warn her… him and I run in the same social circle and I don’t want to destroy his reputation.

— Survivor, age 20