I was 6 when my mother’s stepfather molested me. My grandma invited me into their bed after spending the night, then told me to stay in bed with him while she went to make pancakes. He told me we were going to play doctor and that it would be our little secret. When I went into the kitchen, I’ll never forget the look on my grandma’s face. It was like she was surprised to see me so soon, as she sat there reading the newspaper.
This happened on one more occasion, then at all costs I avoided being alone with him.
I had reoccurring nightmares and wet the bed for a long time after. The nightmare was always the same. I was running down the hallway of the house it first happened in. While a figure chased me. When I got to the end of the hallway I came to a dead end. I tried to scream and nothing came out. Then I wake up, over and over, every night.
By age 13, I was acting out in every way possible. My mother took me to see a counselor. It was at this time that I told what had happened. Shortly there after, I was sent away to a treatment center out of state. My mother told me of the one time he attempted to abuse her. My aunt’s (4 of them) admitted to him abusing them as well. He never got reported and neither did my grandma for that matter. I have always in my heart felt that she knew about ALL the abuse. My mother reported hers to a school teacher.
After I returned from treatment my acting it became worse. Began hanging out with the wrong crowd and my self esteem was nil. I got raped on two separate occasions. Both times with “friends” near by, whom did nothing. I never reported either considering how the first situation was handled.
If I can’t trust my own family, who can I trust?
I have learned to trust me and only me.
— Amy, age 36