Why does this keep happening to me?

I was about…6 I think. The first time it happened. My uncle was living with us after he came back from the islands. The first time he molested me was in our living room. It was in the middle of the night and I was watching a show, everyone were in their rooms getting ready to go to bed. He came in and sat next to me and watched the movie with me, until his hands started to wander. I was 6.. he told me to stay still and so I did. I was silently crying.. This went on for about a year until he finally moved out. I thought that was it, that it would never happen again… I was wrong.
Fast forward to a couple years after he moved out.. I was at a family party with my grandparents. I ended up watching tv while everyone was outside, until one of my Aunts groundskeeper came in. He made me touch him.. I was 8.

When I was 13 I woke up to my stepdad touching me. He was drunk. He stopped when I woke up… told me not to tell my mom. Mind you that I slept in my parents room with my younger siblings. My mom was outside with my uncles. I didn’t say a word. I forced myself back to sleep with my heart beating so fast. The next day I was mute. I did not speak to my stepdad or my mom for two years after that happened.I couldn’t. I moved in with my grandparents. Moved back when I was a Sophomore.

He still makes inappropriate comments towards me.. I just kinda laugh it out. Tell him he’s stupid. Until one day he went out drinking for the night.. came home still drunk, got ready for work and left… called me to have breakfast with him at one of the local cafes out here in the islands. He told me while we were eating that if he was stupid he would’ve came straight into my room that morning and… well you can use your imagination. When he said this I told him to stop, he got mad and dismissed me from the cafe.

Now last year, I was 23. I went to a hotel party with a couple of my friends. There was this one guy who was there… he was the one renting the room we were in, I didn’t know why.. but he was so nice, always checking on me.. I thought it was cool. Until it was time for me to leave. He followed me and two of my best friends down to my car. We got in but he wouldn’t let me leave, held my door open and kept asking me to just help him find his friend. So I decided to go with him to find his friend just so that he would let me leave. We found his friend at his car, drunk in the drivers seat. We woke him up and told him to go up to the room to sleep and that was exactly what he did… Once his friend left I turned to leave as well but he pushed me into the passenger side and started trying to get my pants off.. I fought him off but he was pretty strong. I got the chance to text one of my girls “Help” before he grabbed my phone out of my hand and threw it. He stopped when he heard them coming. I didn’t speak a word to anyone. I got in the car with my friends and drove off… when I felt like I was far enough I told them what happened.

I didn’t sleep that night.

Then just this year… a couple weeks ago actually, I was at the beach with a close friend, her boyfriend, and her boyfriends friend.

They left me with her boyfriends friend… walked to the other side of the beach. Her boyfriends friend raped me. Stopped when they came back. I had to lie and say that my grandmother was in the hospital in order for them to let me leave. He left a huge bruise on my thigh when he was pinning me down on the sand.

It keeps happening… why does this keep happening??

— Survivor, age 24