It happened less than a week ago. Let me start by saying I was not technically raped by society standards. I was sexually assaulted. But the backlash is just as painful.
I was at a get together with some friends. Just 5 of us. Not unusual for us to do. We had been planning for a good week to get together and drink and play games. We were up all night having a good time when I had too much to drink. These were people I thought I could trust myself to be around under such circumstances.
I don’t originally remember why I was alone with him, or where my other 3 friends went. (Later I was informed that 1 of my friends (the only other girl) was ill and was taken out back by the other 2 boys).
I suddenly remember him.. Being on top of me.. With his shirt off.. Kissing me intensely. I remember not understanding what was happening. I could barely move and talking just led to a misc. Mix Of mumbles and moans. He started to grind on me and I began to piece together what was happening and my surroundings. I finally said “stop.. Please”. But he kept reassuring me, saying “how do you know you don’t like me? It’s okay. It’s fun. Were friends”
I then felt him suck on my neck and then pull down my shirt and put his mouth on my breasts. “I don’t want to do this with you”.. I tried to get up and he grabbed my hands to pin me down.
“I have a condom” he said as he kissed down my stomach and left yet another hicky. And then he pulled down my pants and began to finger me aggressively. I begged for him to stop.
The last thing I remember was thinking “tell him you’re going to get sick” .. And i truly believe that’s the only way he let me go.
I ran downstairs to my friends out back crying and telling them what happened. I don’t think they understood the gravity of the situation because they just called me down enough to sleep in a different room. I had to see him the next day and I was just numb..
It wasn’t until I found the bruises on my thighs and the hickies… And it hurt too much to walk.
Now all I want to do is shed out of my skin. I freeze when memories are triggered. I cry out of nowhere and I never go out unless it’s to see my friends. I can’t sleep without having vivid nightmares. And I’m scared I will see him. I feel powerless and weak. I feel like no matter what I do, he won. And I don’t see how the pain will go away.. Why Was No Not Enough.