I am currently going through counseling at the and think that it would be helpful to tell my story. I was on a night out, and I was drunk. I was talking to this guy and he seemed cute and nice. We ended up at a house party and I could feel myself fading. I was supposed to be staying at my mates house but she didn’t want to leave. He kept saying we should go upstairs and I kept saying that I didn’t want anything to happen. He said I could just sleep. I eventually gave up because I knew I would pass out and I believed him. It’s sketchy from there on in. I remember feeling my tights being taken off and him moving me on the bed so that he could get on top of me. Then I came to and he was having sex with me. I didn’t say no and I didn’t force him off me I just lay there. Eventually someone came in and interrupted so I jumped up and left. I immediately told my friend and she didn’t believe me, literally minutes after i t happened. Someone announced that I had got blood on his mums sheets. This happened seven years ago. I’ll never forgive myself for not doing more to stop it. But no one knows how they’ll react to rape so i’m learning not to beat myself up about it. We can heal.
— Survivor, age 23
Dear survivor,
“Just laying there” is one of the most common responses that rape survivors experience when they are being raped. The freeze response protects us from ourselves and our perpetrators. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like that and you are absolutely right that no one knows how they will react to rape. I am glad you are learning not to beat yourself up about it, because you did nothing wrong. Nothing at all. You are very brave. Lots of love to you!
Love you xo stay strong 😙
You are a strong women and a survivor.
Thank you so much for your kind responses, ladies. It means alot.